Memoirs Of A Fallen

2005-10-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

-Hiatus-

Ziru: gomen abt this saturday... temporarily i wanna b wif myself.

An "Unrhyming" Poem

2005-10-02T12:13:00.000+08:00

It's already proven
Friendships and bonds aren't Eternal
It's merely sumthing woven
With Time it'll snap or loosen

"It's Destiny" or "It's Fate"
One would blame
But "Destiny" is sumthing you yourselves make
So dun fabricate excuses that's lame

Everyone wants Justice and Freedom
Yet those "ideals" that's truly fair
Are in the Eyes of God, pure of discrimination
Found only Up in Messiah, His Lair.

We are not Marionettes on Strings
WE are humans who can think, move and sing
All by ourselves, without a pupeteer
We are our own pillar

Thus i declare:
I'm easily confused and emotional;
evil, choosey and deceptional
yet loving with endless care

Manupilative, cold and selfish
Clingy, regretful and ever-thoughtful
Never-Satisfied and filled with endless desires
Too much of a perfectionist, i guess

But...

That's simply cause I'm myself
Literally and Uniquely balanced between 2 genders
Shoot me with critisms, Call me a freak if u must
But first, reflect on yourself
If you have a "path of life that's tainted and meanders"
Don't you dare show me unjust.

However, no matter the consequences, disappointment and outcome
Even if tears have flown and there's regret and it made me numb...
Even after the Rage i've given my Saviors and the Wrath I've succumbed to till Sober
I'll hide and cry and avoid in one little corner
Coz I detest the involment of others;... Coz I'm a Loner;
Yet in the end, after my rants... sulking and my self-indulgence
For all I've befriend... For all that's given me guidance..
I'm thankful for them all
LOL how contradicting and ironic I am in the eyes of Providence
They are my treasured memories... and No.. I've and will never forget them.. No, not at all

(If I do, it's too obvious it's Lie,
But the Reason? LOL I'll leave it to you to ponder and assume: Why?)

Confusing no? lol well, it's only my life.. I bet yours are much more complex. I'm just writing out certain random thoughts XP inspired by~ *drumroll* a mushy combination of uncaged imagination (after watching GSD ep 50) and various random stuffs I was thinking off. XDD

A *Quiz"-Flood

2005-09-22T09:38:00.000+08:00

LoL dun ask.. i juz accumulated too much and decided to paste it here lol. Hmm quizzes: childish yes.. but it's also a reflection of one's own self.. lol n here, the hint of negative and positive extremes of Aoi is presented lol.

You are...Rukia! You are extremely kind and
understanding, sweet and mysterious. To those
around you, you are just an ordinary girl but
you are much deeper than what they think. You
are confident and caring.

Which Bleach Character Are You Most Like?
brought to you by Quizilla

you have the power of invisibility. you often try
to run and hide from the world and the ppl in
it, and your great hiding technic has saved you
out of annoying situations multiple times. just
don't forget that you can't hide for everything
forever. you have to come out and show more of
yourself so ppl get the chance to befriend you.
cause one thing is for sure, you'd make a nice
friend

What's your special hidden power?
brought to you by Quizilla

you're a water elf. you're often calm, but just
like the ocean can change your temper changes
with it. you seem to have a slight connection
with the weather too, and you're also a smart
person.
Blue fits you best

what kind of elf are you? {with pics}
brought to you by Quizilla

Your word is silent.. You've a few good friends and
your loyal to them. You aren't sad but you
don't like to talk that much.

Whats your word?(Anime pics)(Updated...)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your soul has playful wings!
You just want to have fun! The world
is just a big play place for you!
You're very smart, though sometimes that can
go to waste as you often day-dream.
Your wings give off a somewhat happy feeling
that make people really like to be around you.
But they find it hard to keep up with ya, as you
run away, through outt the feilds(=P)

A Quote:Reality is at the end of your
dreams, your dreams are at the end of
reality.

What kind of wings does YOUR soul have?(anime pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

"Floating as a ghost through events, forever
unnoticed"

You are someone who is very lonely in life and feel
like no one ever notice you. Due to this you
lack in confidence in yourself and also have
little belief anything you do matters. Therefor
you are passive to most situations and let
other people take care of it, while you stand
aside. When you have a problem you keep it to
yourself, thinking no one will care anyway if
you told them. In social gatherings you feel
anxious and out-of-place and like to stay away.
When you see someone having a problem you don't
really meddle, not because you don't care but
because you think they wouldn't want to have
you around. A way you could get noticed is
through the Internet, where you can open up
more than you do in real life.

What is Your Phrase? [for darker people]
brought to you by Quizilla

Sorcerous Evil (I'm sorry that the picture is
messed up) - "Enchanting and full of
mystique you are beautiful but lethal. Without
even lifting a finger you can decimate
thousands of humans. You are the epitomy of
total annihilation, but despite all that you
can be quite charming in your own way."

What type of evil being are you inside?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Fox:

The Fox is the symbol for the Hidden. You have a
desolate hidden creature inside of you, which
makes you laid back, hidden, and quiet.

Strengths: Just as sly as a fox, you can get out
of terrible situations with ease, and maybe be
the master of pulling of lies. But one of the
things you do best is just blend in with
everyone else so no one draws attention to you,
not like you crave the attention anyway. The
Fox is also very protective of those he/she
loves, and will stop at nothing to defend in a
verbal or even physical battle.

Flip Side: Being the Fox, you can be very
judgemental on people and many other things
because you're not afraid to speak your mind.
With this in hand, some people may shrug you
off as being cold when really, you were only
telling it as it is.

Congratulations! You have a Fox inside!

pic (c) Christy Grandjean aka GoldenWolfen

What's Your Inner Beast? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

Me = Lazy

2005-08-27T12:15:00.000+08:00

LOL Thinkin thru.. i'm abit bad LOL my mood of going out kept fluctuating... like swinging from "ON" to "OFF" very abruptly.. especially after seeing my bed LOL.. feel like ZZZzzzzz so lazy LOL hmm nvm, later go out too often oso i will spread "sian-dom", i think today i'll juz get plenty of rest n relaxation today~

Then hmm, been thinkin of costumes to do next year lol dunno whether feasible or not but i have 4 costumes in mind so far:

1> Trinity Blood; Ion Fortuna's Arabic Themed Costume (Yesyes i'm no bishie but i wanna do it coz i can re-use the costume for Hari Raya... hmm this one more or less for EOY 06 might hafta save alot due to the embroideary but the overall costumes' quite simple compared to AX n all)
2> GSD/GSeed; ZAFT Red Elite Uniform (Been thinkin of doing it for a long time but... last time no $$ n all n even tho i hv a salary now, i still dunno which char to do LOL... it went from Dearkka to Heine to Kira back to Dearkka... juz coz; i dun wanna get a wig)
3> BLEACH; NEO-Hollow Uniform (This was recent, coz the scanlations juz featured them.. iono they give the kinda feeling that they are the inverse of the Shinigami soo.. it kinda appeals to me)
4> GSD/GSeed; ZAFT Green Earth Uniform (The one that DaCosta wears in GSeed with folded sleeves when he took command of Lesseps... This one... well lol no main reason.. mayb coz it's a contrast design to the Red Elite Uniform XD)

Can't really decide... i actually promised my parents i'll juz do 2 more costumes.. but *koffkoff* it looks like it's been multiplied by 2 n *poof* turns into 4 LOL.. Thot of doing Tiki oso from DGM but.. nah, threw the thot out the window... later Kie will kill me plus... i dun really hv a strong fandom for DGM.. the feeling is the same towards FMA... lol but towards BLEACH, TB n GSD/GSeed, I'm an avid fanatic towards them LOL (even tried to "read in between the lines" for these 3 series LOL)... neways hmm which to do... but 2006 is still far.. i guess can take my time LOL

BUT BUT! this EOY lol i'm looking forward to my Komamura Sajin Shinigami Taichou costume~ the tailor seems promising n i have lotsa confidence in Osaka'a prop-making abilities LOL~ not to mentioned i invested lotsa money on this "project" coz i always wanna ake my costumes if not perfect, at leasy near perfection when i cosplay lol if not it'll b a waste of effort teehee~ (yes even tho it's a Solo thingie.. i like to refer to my costume fantasies as "projects"...pls dun get the wrong idea, i dislike cosplaying in grps generally XP... well some are exceptions la) N the BLEACH grp.. kinda sad... coz most of them got exams n are on a very tight n very complicated schedules... *sigh* hontoni zannen... the peeps r so nice to crap abt and hv pure fun wif...*shrugs* O well~ movin <(^^<) ^(^^)^ on~ (>^^)>

Been listening to a few new songs as well lol hmm so far.. the FMA Movie songs by Laruku (courtesy of GWing).. didn't stick on me.. the FMP TSR OP (courtesy of Animus) oso appealed to me for a while lol now listening to the Naruto Movie2 song - DING!DONG!DANG! by TUBE LOL it's a very.. refreshin n fun song lol... hmm the slow parts are kinda easy to sing.. but when he dash thru the lyrics.. LOL *Aoi goes LOST* But it's very nice~ it like, put me in a uber genki mood~ LOL okie dokie~ i typed alot n i've alrdy listed the essential stuffs~ to for me to *yawnz* nap =3 lol~ *points to title* Me equals Lazy LOL *sleeps*

Deleted

2005-08-10T13:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry lol again this was one of those stupid posts XP

Selfish Thoughts

2005-07-25T15:17:00.000+08:00

LoL there's lots of things i've regretted last week...i need to type it out or my brain will burst... n yes i guess i'm not fully matured enough LOL I'm always falling back towards angsting lol but i really dunno why i do that lol.. i mean mayb coz i like that monotonous n cold dark side of mine... iono... LOL.. hmm but neways, last week was horrid.. i need to apologise to some ppl: Tenka n G for directing my anger at u ppl and to Alex n Ziru whom i gave a black face even tho they were trying to cheer me up. *sigh* bleh blah bluh... i'm soo messed up... argH! lotsa things r happening n lotsa ppl r making their moves.. it's soo complicated to predict... i shall... reset my brain lol..

Hmm ok sumthing gd to take note: Had a chat wif IceTea Taichou on...Friday nitel (if i'm not mistaken the time lol) she's very hyper n genki online lol totally opposite of her real life personallity.. as guessed lol. Sharped tongue at times n very direct in her approach as she speaks her mind but oso sweet lol (like Ice Lemon Tea LOL). talked abt lotsa stuffs... but i kinda forgot mos tof it.. lol basically it was a pure fun crapping session. Then on Saturday had a long LONG stroll wif Alex.. kinda sad coz ermm lol.. i was in a negative mood n tho i was listening.. my brain was processing damn slowly.. tho.. certain things she said abt sum1 caught my attention 100%.. LOL that guy is soooo obvious n typically dumb LOL!! hmm hmm.. well i guess saturday wasn't all that bad.. i especially enjoyed the dinner at KFC LOL alot of jokes flew here n there LOL... hmm i guess tat's it..n i feel abit relieved now.. finally, lol i can't wait to get y Shinigami costume LOL after reading Chp188 of BLEACH...WOOT~ can't wait to get Taichou's BLEACH grp together!!! X3 LOL

Ugh!

2005-07-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

Ok i'm plain scared n worried... everything i'm predicting is coming true... abt 85% of it is a direct bullseye to wad i thot was a mere "assumption" n chuck it aside.. i hate this.. this feeling... n worse, i hv no way to tell those affected...argh! i feel helpless, worried n pure fear. but since it doesn't really concern me... why am i soo worked up?.. am i worrying for nuthing?... well actually... it's kinda good if everything does come true... then i'll worry no one when the time comes for me to disappear...

*re-reads post* I'm so hopeless...

Takoyaki & ice Lemon Tea~~~

2005-07-21T07:04:00.000+08:00

LOL yup yup I've been hving too much takoyaki lately n i think i'm goin fat lol but i'm gonna indulge abit since it's rare i can find a malay takoyaki stall ard Sg LOL *even tho i say indulge...4 boxes a day mite b a lil too much* LOL Takoyaki ga Suki~~ well actually it'a ham n cheese not octopus lol..

Neways did this quiz:

Lemon Tea...
Strong willed and a bit feisty in temper you stand
out from other people! Creative but dangerous
you have few friends and those that have been
accepted into your small group are special and
unique just like yourself. Once your mind is
made up that's it and no one can change it. You
can think clearly and figure out just what to
do in a tense situation which is a rare gift.
You arent twisted by societies rules and
regulations and are rebel by nature!

What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla

And Ironincally i got my fave drink LOL Ice Lemon Tea lol.. n interesting hwo they characterise ur attitude and all to a drink lol wad will they think of next? lol But i like it... i guess this quiz accuracy is hmm 75% of the "me" now lol. Speaking of characters lol found out sumthign new abt Keith yesterday.. sumthing very unexpected lol.. both him n G r like optimists... soo bright lol. BTW G: If i irritated ya yesterday, gomen ><;;.

O been into BLEACH alot.. supporting IshixOri... Ichigo, Renji, Byakuya... quite a number... lol i'm too lazy to mention all lol. As for TB, hmmm been thinking it's like a rewrite of the Bible situation of Cain and Abel (Adam's and Eve's sons)... i think i'll b doing a story analysis of TB soon lol.. there's soo much irony lol... GunXSword is oso not bad.. hmmm wad else.. hmmm Naruto anime getting draggy.. i wish the "Confrontation wif Akatsuki" chapter comes faster.. *i hate Jiraiya*

LoL n if u r wondering y i'm not at work now LOL... i took urgent leave.. SMU called i hafta check my application wif them... lol.. *sigh* work can b soo tough.. but yesterday i was reminded that there's always someone worse than me. And of coz Fate is funny and it reminds me there r others who r luckier and better of than me at the same time LOL. Aiyo.. there's soo many things happening at once this July n i hv no idea which to prioritise... i think i'll juz take today as a time to relax n nto think of anything... n like G said: "Let Time Tell"... personally i would add a pinch of salt to that theory wif: "Coz Wad Goes Around, Comes Around." Thus if u did gd, time will sooner or later reward u wif positive stuffs and of coz the inverse applies when u do sumthing bad lol same magnitude, same reaction, different targets LOL. KK enuff crap i'm goin to get some breakfast n sleep... it's gonna b a... tiring? busy?.... day lol?

Cosfest

2005-07-11T09:41:00.000+08:00

LOL yesterday by the time i reached home, i was too shagged to type out nething.. juz went online awhile.. chatted wif a few ppl n... ZZzzzzzZZzzzzzz *until my OPS WO suddenly called me n disturbed my rest.....*

Let's see... cosfest was a huge big mess! O god.. i was reminded why i hate events soo MUCH! Firstly, it's soo damn tiring even tho at most cosplayers do is pose for pics... dunno y... juz doing sumthing soo seemingly simple.. it drains all energy from u. Secondly.. events make me sooo disorientated that i dunno who or where to hang out wif.. one grp will b here.. then another will disappear den another will call me... n like it gives u that irritating feeling.. u r surrounded by ppl u kno but at the same time u r stil by urself LOL.. Thirdly,.... my camera dieded even b4 the event was half-way thru *well at least got sum pics from "pre-cosfest" which i've posted in my LJ acct lol* Fourthly, the performances was plain dumb n boring.. *inculding mine actually since i was totally shaking n hv no defintiely idea of wad to say* and Lastly, some idiots need to fuck off, dun disturb me nor my friends, I'm not distubring, irritating or even bothering abt low-lifes like u ppl anymore thus.. GET LOST!

SHIKASHI~~ LOL Cosfests does hv it's charms as well lol... b4 cosfest:.. got a glimpse of GWing's place.... cool.. *alot of anime products that i wanted to browse thru.. but no time... damn* LOL had lotsa laugther n i was damn high... coz nearly everything i was relating it to sex...^^;; *the yaoi/hentai horror next door strikes again* lol really alot of lame jokes was cracked n alot of it was directed to GSD/GSeed LOL imagine: Cagalli's new GOLDEN GUNDAM... 1>*seed mode* SHINING ATTACK & PAY DAY! *enemies: ARGH! mabushi!! AH~ OKANE!!* ...2> If a Ginn strikes the LITERALLY shining Gundam wif his sword... he'll vibrate like a tuning fork LOL.

Lunch was.. cut short coz Cherry needed help for her solo performance... in the end.. sadly.. GWing n Ziru nv get to eat their bought lunch coz i hide it too well at Alex's booth.. err gomenasai ><;; hmm thru out the event...ermm well.. let's juz conclude i dun like cameras nemore lol N lol i think i've been labeled as Andrew Bartfield while GWing was Shinn Asuka.. tho we were actually Kira Yamato and Athrun Zala respectively... *i think the hairstyle decides whether u r who n who lol* Ziru was a damn gd Yzak.. complete wif Pride n everything... juz err i think white made ya look fat *which u r not* Cherry was hving fun which is gd.. den hmm Johnny n Taku kept disappearing.. couldn't catch up wif them... Saw Osaka only in the beginning and end of event... in the middle.. iono where he went. Alex was at her booth all day.. sry gal i couldn't hang out wif ya much.. Nicky was.. err here n there... Tenka had a fren to walk ard wif.. GWing had his booth n the tenipuri ppl to help... err wad else.. o! Ivy, Icy n Req was....deadly ANBU's.. tho Ivy n Icy was the i'm gonna kill u any second type.. Req is the smilesmilesmile DIE! type of ANBU... ah yes.. Animus was plain gay as Orochimaru...*shivers*... Dan was doing Deathnote.. n Kie was her normal Envy.. Seven... alot of ppl saw her.. i didn't =.=;;.... Saw Kaishi but didn't talk regretfully Marche, Lynette n Kula i couldn't even approach them to chat... Rika rOX the entire event wif her DAMN PRO singing.... IceTea had a gf to hang out wif.. AH KAOZ! SO many ppl i juz wish we could hv an outing sumwhere n juz slack n hv fun.. events juz dun give us a chance to gather... ARGH! No wonder we couldn't hv a meeting..

Monetary wise... err i paid completely Tenka for the BLEACH Bromides.. Thx Ten-chan~ n i got a Tenipuri Jersey... very comfortable... LOL o speaking of Tenipuri.. at the end of the event, had to b an extra n drop by Tenipuri's chalet to take a bath... i was too sticky n irritated * n didn't wanna go home to early either*... n i kno i was a typical sore thumb but hey lol... at least they let me stay... no that's an understatement.. alot fo dun things happen n i even got to eat UDON~~ * i dislike noodles.. but UDON is a whole new story~~ *slurps** Thus, Tenipuri minna-san iro iro arigatou for the dinner n grt time at ur chalet *bows* See lotsa clips n heard lotsa music from Animus's laptop.. lol n i discovered that the Guys in the Tenipuri grp lol each r really special in his own way.. *n i thot they were the normal slothy type of boys* O! Saw a very Genki Tenka which was heartwarming.. n heard abt a very drunk GWing on Vodka LOL which was juz plain.. HILARIOUS! LOL "I dun even know where my own house toilet was" - GWing LOLOL In the end went home at 11pm n took a taxi back to Tampines Central.. wow.. really shagged... at home consumed a tuna puff.. chatted a while.. bathed n *bum* slp.. n yup back to square one lol here i am sitting typing out this entry LOL

Neways i hope u guys had fun at cosfest... i really regret unable to hang out much wif ALOT of u guys... coz iono events tend to.. separate us? lol *sigh* wish i could hv a Mega Gathering of all my close frens.. but den again.. knowing my poor management abilities it'll end up in disaster~ LOL okok long boring darggy entry.. me go upload photos on my LJ acct lo c ya~

Eve of Cosfest

2005-07-09T11:29:00.000+08:00

Sa tetto~ Hmm wad can i say? lol I'm kinda excited abt Cosfest.. reason? well nuthing specific.. juz plain happy. For me this year's cosfest is different from all the others that hv passed.. it's relatively more positive n i'm actually looking forward to it lol. My costume's done (tho still can't get contacts in.. maa ii ya). It's soo... iono how to explain it... this feeling like nervousness n excitement all jumbled up into one big emotion... tmr is one day where i truly dunno wad will happen.. head alot of politics has been goin on.. n since tmr's like a huge gathering for all cosplayers.. =.=;; i wonder wat'll happen... But neways like i posted on the forum.. most prob i can relax one corner n sip awy Ice Lemon Tea LOL.. den if the rest aren't busy taking photos n scurrying abt.. we can all sit n chat lol. Hmm the Tenipuri ppl hv started their Chalet... n ironically my family planned a chalet next week instead LOL. Hmm dun really kno wat the "K" gang is doing.. but dun think they'll b interested to go to Cosfest. Most of my NS pals got duty...which is.. rather ironic as well lol so they can't make it. *sigh* n the Bruneians aren't coming down SG anytime soon. O well guess tmr would b dedicated solely for "hanging out wif cosplayers". LoL i guess it's the contrast but my excitement for tmr seems to make today dull n boring lol XDD.

24hours left.

...Tsuzuku Sora E...

2005-06-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

OK the previous post was dumb n explosive lol.. i can't elaborate more but i think i more or less overcame it lol.. My biggest thx to those who showed concerned n voiced their opinions as advice for me. U kno who u r.. n i'm relieved n joyous i met ppl like u guys.

Deleted

2005-06-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

*deleted*

Loveless Battle Spells

2005-06-19T13:15:00.000+08:00

Woooho~~ juz watched Loveless ep10.. my god not only is the storyline interesting (tho tabooed) but i oso love their battle system n spells lol It liek they activate this "System" whenever they go into battle n they hv "Sacrifices" for hp/mp source n their partner is a "Fighter" who uses spells to attack their opponents kueee~~ soo cool~ n the spells always got nice summoning phrases lol got inspired so gonna post my "battle spells" here b4 i forget them lol.

Melee Spells
Rain, Like freezing tears of Heaven
Fall from the sky n spite my enemy; PIERCE!
>>The imagery for this attack is like countless needles falling from the sky like rain and piercing the opponent from above, pinning him/her down like insects perserved under a glass case.

Sakura petals wif thy sweet scent, delude thy target,
Silently tear them limb from limb into uncountable pieces; SLICE!
>>This one is inpired by Kuchiki Byakuya n his Bankai lol same imagery wif thousands of sakura petals swirling and swaying n slicing n dicing the victim unknowingly

Elemental Spells
Black Flames that punish the sinful souls of Hell
Leave nothing in ur wake but Grey Ash; BURN!
>>A fire-type spell where if visioned, it'll look as though a wild fire coloured black as the night sky rushes up towards the opponent, torching them n turn them to nothing but ash.

Deprive them of Emotions, Rip out their Senses,
Let them taste the meaning of Emptiness; VOID!
>>A darkness-type spell inspired by Void from CCS movie 2. When executed, a black sphere will appear at random on the enemy's body and either rip out a limb or empty a certain feeling e.g. passion or love towards someone.

Extreme Spells
When each Smile turns to Tears,
As Strong bonds give birth to stronger Sadness,
Grant them grace; SEPARATION!
>>A powerful spell where the loving bond between the "Figther" and "Sacrifice" is broken leaving the "Sacrifice" defenseless and the "Figther" without endurance/power.

Black Butterflies; messengers of Death
With overwhelming swarms crush my nemesis
Bring them to their knees before me; DREAM
>>Inpired by Soubi Agatsuma... a spell where multiple swarms fo butterflies swarm the enemy draining their energy and inflicting direct damage until the continuous feeling of pain and tiredness force them to lose if not die.

LoL abit lame but heh hmm couldn't think of counter or protection spells yet lol but i'll post more when i get further inspired.. too bad i can't draw them out tho.. the imagery in my mind is good.. but if i draw it out... "It sucks" would b the best comment lol.

Fruits Basket

2005-06-19T11:16:00.000+08:00

I think reading this manga kinda made me sensitive yesterday... made me did lotsa things i kinda regret i mean.. i spout random propaganda, i got hurt over simple matters, i made others wry juz coz i was a lil unwell n i also hurt other ppl wif my blabbering mouth that couldn't keep shut. Really i'm despicable n i kno i despise myself... but at the same time, i like this darkness within me.. this regret.. this selfish... this despicable me.. it's who i am as i'm merely human n i embrace it.. i juz wish there's a way for me to not release it onto others... lol.. yes even this misery is refreshing lol iono... i guess i dun ever wanna lose this tainted spot within my heart coz it makes me appreciate all those warm, happy moments in my life. Thus if sumone were to think i'm selfish, a loner n all, i dun really mind coz i AM like that. I'm a soloist, doing thing alone is better than relying on others and burdening them in the end. Moreover, i'm disgusted by the attitude of certain ppl n in return i'm disgusted at myself for hvin those feelings... Well i guess that's half of this dark post...

The second half goes to Tohru.. iono if there's sucha gal out there but man.. she's like one pure angel lol i wonder y all of us juz can't b like the cast of Furuba n in the end accept each other rather than backstabbing...toyin ard n plainly deluding others wif facades like Akito.. i simply dun get it.. It is juz selfish to think u r right without accepting that u r wrong.. but to some ppl remaining quiet is a form of weakness... *sigh* sheesh hmmm sumhow after typing those out.. i feel abit better lol KK then off tot he formalities; my apologises to these ppl who i dragged into my pessimism: G, Taku, Animus, IceTea n Tenka. BTW for thsoe who read this... this is not a "self-pity" post type of thing... it juz me spilling out my unhealthy thots so it's really sumthing that should b disregarded ^^

More MCs ^^;;

2005-06-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

LoL OHoHOhoHOhohO~ YES i've gotten more MCs...Y? i sprained my left ankle lol.. however i think it should b well enuff by this sat bah.. got lotsa appointments wif lotsa ppl... worse come to worse i'll juz burn my ezlink on public transport lol

Neways: A stolen quizzy from Cherry.... hmm the 1st four i've alrdy discovered.. but the last 2 still remains questionable.. it's either it's in my subconscious or i juz hvn't "mature" till that level yet?... lol

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed.

With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.

You think good luck is something you won't attain - you expect bad luck.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's the True You?

Finally, to those who tagged their concerns, i thank u very very much lol Cherry, Ivy n Taku dun wry i was juz expressing abit of frustration wif work that's all lol n like Ivy-neesan said; I'll definitely pull thru... esp since u guys alrdy gave me "strength" to carry on ~^^~

"Rojak"-ness

2005-06-13T21:27:00.000+08:00

Another one of those Dark n Spiritual posts thus dun read on if it's irritaing or anything.

OK it's that time in life where i feel everything juz comes in one blow again.. no.. in one huge bombardment.. the grtest percentage comes from work.. where i'm caught in between 2 political parties who had a merger yet can nv settle their differences... n nwo hving lotsa lotsa misunderstandings n juz making each other fucked up.. (to Adelene Chief Clerk of 9th Div; as i've predicted women.. this is the reason y i nv wanted to b ur "link" for Tekong bitch! In the end i get stressed out) Thus overall, i hv no idea wat's the point of hving a SAF if there's internal conflicts.. u could've directed the manpower for better use! Sheesh! Waste my alrdy limited time.. y wasn't i born sumwhere nowhere near Singapore so that i dun burden those that i've alrdy met n recognise as frens.. so dat i dun feel regret when those i give my loyalty to simply betray me... so that i can actually juz not angst like this.. it's soo pathetic.. i've poor stress management n i only kno how to either escape it in one lil dark corner or confront it wif uncontrolled anger ( a grtly witheld option)....

*breathes*... Astaghfirrullahallazim.. nvm I still hv my Faith.. i still believe God is teaching me abt the syllabus called "Life" n when i can at least get a borderline pass for his tests, i can at least receive his blessings. Besides.. everything always has it's better brighter side.. always there's a reason n a brighter future to each step i take in life.. ugh my emotions r soo messed up now.. iono if it's negative or positive.. it's simply... ugh irritating.. nvm i think i'll turn in early n mayb the nite's rest will clear my mind. Insyallah!

Quizzies spreeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

2005-06-12T19:09:00.000+08:00

All quizzes r stolen from Kula lol

A dreamer lies within u love to lose yourself in
thought but do not like to get your hands
dirty.

What lies within? (Anime pics.)
brought to you by Quizilla

What Bleach Character Are You?

Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

~*BLACK*~ Gothic, dark and Multi-talented. You are
always hidden beneath the shadows and like to
surprise your 'prey'. Never let anyone tell you
otherwise, you ARE very unique! Go rebel girl!

What Color of Mood are you?(ANIME PICS!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Kiss on the forehead!

..: What kind of Kiss are you? :.. ( Anime Pictures )
brought to you by Quizilla

You kill for
revenge.
That is because you have lost something or
someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem
to get over the loss that marked your soul, and
the only solution is to go after the one person
who brought all this pain to you. Chances are
you are angry inside and you bottle everything
up and don't talk to anyone about it. People
may want to help, but you think that they can
never understand your pain and only get
frustrated because of this. But it is important
to see all that you have left and be thankful
of that even if you have lost something great.
It may not be true that Times heals all wounds,
but with time and talking about your feelings,
maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to
reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J.
Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and
teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

N i discovered sumthing cute abt Tenka.. nyaaa~ X3

"Bugis Animation Fest"?

2005-06-12T11:41:00.000+08:00

Omged yesterday i was totally shagged but it was a damn eventful n fun day lol!! XDD @ Noon met Ziru, Alex, Elmo n Cherry for lunch. They tried to tutor me how to put on contacts but it failed horribly...it seems this i hafta learn by myself lol nvm i will succeed~~ if not i would've wasted $40 T^T lol. Hmm den had 2 rounds of para, 1st shared wif Ziru: wow that women's original dance steps is always so.. lol rugged, she can move her legs to hit the sensors~ den the 2nd round shared wif Alex.. lol she ar tho she nv moved from that spot, she can hit all of the sensors wif elegance sia.. hmm like malay dance XDD. After that i had to run off to Sunshine Plaza to meet GW, Taku, Kula, Asa n Johnny to hv another lunch? lol (nup i didn't eat in both meetings XP) GAWD! Asa got like Kuukau n Ichigo Bromides.. while i get stinking screenies of Byakuya n Renji.. o well at least got Kenpachi after that (very complicated matter) lol XPP G n Taku brought their card albums~ cool lol but nah i'm not into cards soo much... why? cannot display on wall XP n Kula was her normal self but i'm happy i got to see her smile at least lol. Hmm Then met Tenka n got my Shinn n Kira stuff.. OMG it was damn worth it!! THX TEN-CHAN~~!! This point was abit messy lol alot of exchanging bromides n buying bromides lol ...headache sia! @.@

Then it was back to Bugis for the miniture cosplay event... lol... Cherry, Alex n Ziru were all very irritated there.. mayb coz they thought the bugis management was merely using them as exhibits like in a zoo n the appearance fo certain "people"... but from my POV.... FUCK them! Juz go there n have fun~ Y must we feel any negativity for such pitiful creatures? tsktsk lol XDD But neways i'm glad that the event went thru wif not even a single mess up... at least Ziru won't get into trouble. Hmm den when the event ended lol... everything was soo messed up iono wat's happening lol.. i was like totally "LOST"...but den everything settled down n the BLEACH EOY ppl took a grp photo (Req bullied me T^T) Den our grp decided to walk to Taka's Kino, we made pitstops @ Sunshine plaza n LJS near PS since the feet of those wearing heels were killing them! On the way talked abt lotsa things.. lotsa personal n meaningful things den @ LJS i made lotsa lame parodies wif G's GSD card album lol. Finally we went to Tak viz MRT from Douby Ghaut.

@ Taka browsed a few books.. Alot fo ESP topics were brougth up (i didn't know abt "shields"... i can sense auras yes but "shields".. hmm mayb sumthing i need to learn howta do) met Kie, Dan n Req there again too lol after that hmm.. went to Cathay for dinner (again i watched XP) n further talked lol.. den it was off to meet my parents... LOL I was damn happy when my dad called up CGH they said no need to come ler BWUAhHAHAha! @ least can go out wif my family lol.. went o Mustafa Centre n YES!! I got all the things to needed for my Kira ORB uniform!! Red Turtleneck n White pants! all @ cheaper prices then my budget! whoohoo~! lol.. gawd really yesterday too many things happened to describe in detail... let's summarise

Regrets & guilt
-Couldn't talk to the 3 Musketeers (G,Taku n Johnny) much, even Kula, JiaER & Animus too.. *sigh*
-Couldn't help much n Alex's n Ziru's probs
-Wondering what the "K" Gang been doin since it's been a damn long time wince i hang out wif them

Satisfaction & My Thx
-Got to know abt my frens abit more
-Happy that i could at least listen to their troubles to lessen their burden
-Happy that i got what i wanted (but i still on the look out for more Shinn & Kira products ><;;)
- N mayb i'm being sentimental n all but my grtest thx to these ppl for making ti a fun day for me lol >>> G, Taku, johnny, Cherry, Ziru, Alex, Elmo, Animus, Tenka, JiaER, Karu, Kula, Asa, Req, Dan, Kie, Nicky n My Dad, Mum n Sis lol

Iro iro arigatou minna-san, kono Aoi wa totemo shiawase desu~ the laughter n smiles u blessed me with yesterday, i'll forever treasure. N I WAN MORE KIRA N SHINN MERCHANDISE!! LOL *searches for more* XDD matta ne~ I hope we can enjoy liek this again 1 day.

Sum1 made my day

2005-06-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

okies lol even tho i'm kinda lethargic n sick n all now lol but i gotta type wad i feel out. Today.. or rather Tonight Taku made my day lol.. he said i was part of his 4 musketeers but i told him i wasn't worthy.. n he answered: "aniway who said nid to be worthly then can in with us meh?" This small comment really brightened my Monday lol

O n Yesterday it was Ziru lol she's one of those few who nv suspected whether my illness was fake or nething.. she merely accepted it n showed concern lol It's for times like these that i'm happy i have frens lol.. sensitive old me lol I'm now expressing my thx to these 2 frens of mine for brightening up at least 1 day in this dark life of mine lol. Even tho i kno i might b damning myself like this since everytime i compliment/appreciate someone i thot i can b gd frens wif, it always turns out sour.. but i muz express myself... at least by placing it here, if i forget i can remember.

Warning, Personal Statement which can b hurtful to some, i request u dun translate coz it's oso one of those feelings i hafta express juz it's dark lol: Lagipun Aku dah sumpah dengan nama Allah SWT yang aku tidak akan lagi memyerahkan kelemahan ku kepada kawan2 ku. Aku tidak akan lagi percaya pada persahabatan kerana ia cuma suatu mimpi yang tidak boleh dicapaii dan suatu pertalian yang "Illusional"....LoL sudah aku sumpah, sedang aku lazimkan.

Parody? 2: "Welcoming Newbies"

2005-06-06T19:59:00.000+08:00

Aoi: Ah~ I've gotten myself new slav... no i mean mascots for me bloggie~ ^^

Kira: AH!! He wanted to say SLAVES!!

Shinn: Sou sou! Usosuki!

Aoi: Dare ga Usosuki desu~~ It was u who cannot keep ur promise of protecting Stellar

Shinn: *arrow shot thru heart*......*Handphone & PINK Seashell Angst* Stellar..*sobsob* I couldn't protect u *sobsob* juz like Mayu... ARGGH!!!!!!

Kira: *comforts Shinn* There there... u'll b tackling Lunamaria next as the author proposed... i think..

Shinn: Oh like THAT helps.. besides it was all ENTIRELY UR FAULT!! that Stellar died! U Crybaby!

Kira: Am NOT! besides in ep 33 u didn't blame me, u kept blaming FREEDOM this FREEDOM that.. the name "Kira" appeared no where. n It was that "BOOM" blasts that made Stellar went cuckoo!

Shinn: Yea RIGHT! now u blame the "BOOM!" thingie bleh useless.. n dun u kno the meaning of "inference"? FREEDOM relates to U!

Kira: WAD?!? *starts to feel hurt* I juz stood there floating.. n that Stellar went cuckoo juz by looking @ me.. She n her Neo obsession

Shinn: *damn pissed* WTH! Dun talk abt my gal like that! At least Stellar is better than that PINK POPSTAR-GONE-WRONG shaking her boobies on stage!

Kira: *tears in eyes* THAT'S NOT LACUS U DUMB ASS! It's an Imposter..ARGH!! DIE U RAVING PSYCHO LOVER! *SEEDs goes after Shinn's neck*

Shinn: *SEEDs n go after Kira's neck* U too U PINK BALL LOVING IDIOT!!

*accidentally kisses each other in the middle of the struggle*

Shinn: *blushes and throws face awy from Kira*

Kira: *blushes n faces awy from Shinn*

-EnDs-

Aoi: *shifts camera to his face* Eeto... Minna-san i've alrdy introduce... no wait since 2 newbies hv alrdy introduced themselves.. in the most.. active and intriguing manner possible~ *glances @ the blushing duo* BuwahahahAHa.. wif sucha interesting script as the above.. u can guess wat horrid, twisted fanfic will comeabt from this blogger... WBauHHAhAHAhaha! *koffkoff* heehee wait for it ne~

Lacus:...*stunned*....Ki...ra..??

Stellar: Pretty shinn~ all pinky~ teehee~

Cagalli: *sips tea* I hope we dun get sucha weird script

Athrun: *hands holding teacup, shivering* I hope so Cagalli-dear...

Aoi: *glances @ Athrun* U think? BWuahHAHAh *rubs hands diabolically*

Athrun: *glances awy, disgusted* I knew it...*sweats furiously*

Aoi: Yes.. i'm actually turning my bloggy into a place to submit fanfiction if i hv nuthing else to write.. lol do enjoy my madness n if it offends anyone, gomenasai, it's for the sheer fun of it.. *learn this skill from Cherry*... BWUahAHHAh *plots all the YYH action*..

Minna:... Atashittachi shinnu..... hontoni shinnu...

Streetfest

2005-06-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

Take The quiz yourself

*exhausted* LoL Today was not a gd day for an "Outdoor Fest" lol... It was damn freaking hot n it was really tiresome.. *sigh* But newayz kinda satisfied i guess, gotta see lotsa ppl i missed today, talked to few but sad couldn't talk much.. lol nvm I will juz continuing praying for their well-being :) OH! n btw everybody's goth dressing style was really cool... I was like totally out-of-placed, i seem like something mild with no impact lol XDD

Hmm let's list the things that happened today backwards XD Tortured GWing on the colour PINK on the way home, Got to talk abit to 3 tenipuri ppl, concluded Animus is ecchi LOLOL!, slacked @ Arcade n PS (had lame jokes session), related Asa to Renji lol, felt guilty when i dragged them to Meridian hotel for dinner, Got my Kira Uchiwa from KKnM (HENG!! I thot sold out ler XDD), walked the distance to KKnM n stopped by 7/11 for Big Gulp, Stroll about in Kinokuniya, Left StreetFest wif Taku's grp since tired of standing, kept findin ppl to pass $$ to mooie for Warajis, Said to Kyo that he always looked Blur lol, Discussed wif Osaka n GWing abt Gwing's Ishida armour n chatted abit how's Osaka'a life, Talked to JL abt his Camp life, Saw a very weird Katana made by BaoXing for Bridget, Yachiru's image PERFECTLY MATCHES Sagara XDD, Met BLEACH grp ppl @ Somerset MRT for small tiny bitsy meeting lol... hmm i guess that's it lol hmm it actually even made sense backwards o.O;;

Next week.. my god another fierce weekend,
Saturday; Gotta search for he missing bits n pieces (red turtle neck + white pants) for my Kira costume, Gotta plan when to meet PH to pay her in full for the GSD patches i ordered from her (@ least must get ORB patches), Gotta meet those i promised and reserved their Kira/Shinn Products (Most prob both @ Bugis since easier for everyone), Gotta meet Cherry if possible to edit her ORB costume n take half a metre of blue cloth from the tailor n plan wif Cherry when can get purple contacts wif her, Finally gotta get home ASAP n get rdy for hospitalisation @ 11pm till Sunday 9pm (as per usual)

Finally, missed Ivy-neesan... *wonders how's her massage session* hope she's alrite (Gambatte ne Nee-san, we gotta pull thru Life n FLY!!) lol sry obsessed wif hillary Duff's - Fly atm lol. Worried abt Ziru too... she damn stressed n i can do nuthing to help.. plus nv gotta talk to her juz now... Cherry too.. i guessed sumthing happened but... Nv saw Alex.. but Hey! lol Well like i said b4.. the best i can do now is pray for all my frens' well-being. LoL my personal msg: "Oyasumi n take care minna-san, U guys can definitely accomplish and overcome life's tests! " ^^V ..n sry for the long entry to those who got irritated, while thx for reading to those who persevered thru *bows* arigatou~ =3

Parody

2005-05-29T15:06:00.000+08:00

Aoi: This lil comedy moment was inspired by CHERRY

Azrael: Ah yes that mad woman that housed that OTHER mad women..BAAADGIIIRUEEL!!!

Aoi: *Hits Azrael senseless*...

Azrael: x.x

Minna: O.O

Aoi:*koff* N brought to u by Aoi Productions *drags Murata's body awy*

*Star Wars Opening*

Orga: de... Y suddenly got Star Wars..

Sting: Saaa na....

Crot: HUSH~~! the movie's starting *eats popcorn*

Stellar: OOoO Pretty stars~~

*In a Galaxy Far Far FAR FAR FAR FURTHER VERY FAR further even FURTHER FURTHER LA..FA*

Sting: *Twitch* GET ON WIF THE LIGHTSABER ACTION ALRDY!!

*Fast forwarded..Athrun is cornered by Darth Patrick*

Patrick: Athrun... Wa si lim lao peh

Minna + Athrun: HUH?!... *reads subtitles: I am ur Father, Athrun*....OOOOhhh~!

Athrun: It Cannot Be!!!!!.....eh wait.. no, yes it can.. oyea I alrdy kno tat long ago, daddy *smiles widely*

Patrick: *collapse*

Aoi: CCCCCUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT!! WTF!! NOOOOOOOOO MY MOVIE RUINED!!! ARGH!

Shinn: Dotz.. there he goes in his angsting-world-gonna-end mode..

Kira: At least he's not in his almighty-seme-gonna-fuck-till-dawn mode.. that's scarier..

Shinn: O Yea.. that mode even pawns our seed mode...

Athrun: Pawns is an understatement.. it's a total torture..

*All 3 nods in agreement*

Aoi: *senes n turns around wif shining eyes* SOKKO NO BAKA SANNIN! *wacks wif paper fan* Stop crappin!!... we're gonna redo this scene over n over till i get the Oscars...*fantasises* Ah~ I like to thank my mom~ my dad~ n myself~ for being to etcetce blahblahblah

Stellar: *runs to Shinn* Shinn!! SHINN!! DUN DIE!! U were suppose to protect me.. *slaps shinn frantically* shinn dun die!!!...*cries*

Shinn: *AH~ Suteki~ Stellars laps.. ah~ painful slaps but ah SHI-A-WA-SE~* I'm ok stellar really~

Klueze: Ceh wat Oscars.. wif such petty manupilation techniques u can't even get 1 vote of popularity.. Now I..ehehe I USED the stupid Chairman Patrick n brought EVERYTHING according to my plans

Patrick: *twitch*O yea so wad dude?! I did... uh i meant i... *idea struck* I Got to FIRE GENESIS!! AHAHAHAhaHAHAH

Minna: =.=

Patrick: *whines* WAT~~?!

Azrael: Beh! Pathetic Kluezy BOI! I used my money n brought forth Nuclear catastrophe on PLANT bWAUHhaHAhAH

Klueze: U mean NEARLY brought catastrophe.. u were foiled *stick out tongue* I even passed down my ebilness to Gilbert...

Azrael: SO wat?! i passed my ebilness too.. to Jibrille.. now he OWNS YA!

Gilbert: HAH! that GAYASS wif PURPLE lipstick.. u say he OWNS?! BWUAhHAha

Jibril: *bitch slap gilbert* For ur INFO, purple is in FASHION OK!! U gay breeder of a specific clone name REY THE BARREL!!

*mass bitch fite occurs*

Aoi: *twitch* Oi..

Stellar: SHINN!!!! NUUUUU SHINN!!

Shinn: Shiawase~ I mean daijobu desu~

Lacus: *nursing Kira* ah Daijobu Kira-san?

Kira: heki yo Lacus~

Kira & Lacus: *loveydoveyscenes*

Aoi *twitchtwitch* eh.. my movie...*ignored*

Cagalli: See la i told ya to b careful..

Athrun: Gomen Cagalli-dear

Athrun & Cagalli: *anotherloveydoevyscene*

Aoi: EXCUSE ME!! *twitchtwitchtwich n STILL ignored*

Druggies: AWWWW~ such sweet couples~~ AWWWW~

Villains: *continues bitching over who's more ebil*

Aoi: THAT'S IT!! EVERYONE JUZ DIE!! *takes out GENESIS n SHOOTS!*

*-ZapSzzz-*

Minna: *roasted n wif afro hairdo*

Aoi: *grumblegrumblegrumble*

-EnDs-

Sidenote: yes it's obvious i was bored lol....+ deprived of Star Wars n Inspired by Cherry's madness combi is not a healthy emotion XDDD

GSeed/GSD + comments

2005-05-27T11:35:00.000+08:00

Himeko

You are the epitome of sweetness and naiivete. You
try to do your best at everything you try even
though you are known to be a bit clumsy and
clueless at times. Unhappy memories may linger
in your eyes, making you introverted and not
very assertive, but you try to look ahead and
totally devote yourself to those you love. If
only you weren't so confused about your
feelings...

Which Kannazuki no Miko Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

OOkk... iono wad's got into me but lol i suddenly got a huge craving for Kira and Shinn lol. Call me dull but lol iono these 2 male leads r really catching my attention juz like Edward Elric (FMA) and Allen Walker (DGreyMan). They r ironically similar wif obvious differences. But i sooo like them lol.. maybe coz well Athrun's image has gone down the drain for me ever since GSD started lol. Athrun is juz plain lost i kno but...*sigh* hmm i guess this is where the term: "Don't discover too much of anything" comes in... bcoz the more the author unravels abt Athrun's attitude.. the more i dislike him. O well onwards to the most looked expected scene in GSD... KIRA VS SHINN!! BWuahahah i wonde rif either will die.. or mayb.. hmm they'll turn into gd frens coz of this incident? Which remind me.. how do these MS pilots talk to each other while fighting.. dun tell me they juz leave their com-links on the whole time?... LOL n yes u guessed it right lol this is one of those random entries lol. But neways my fanatic for Kira & Shinn (no it's not Kira X Shinn.. a suitable yaoi pairing would b Athrun X Kira&Shinn = threesome XDDDD)has grown soo much ta i even posted in SGcafe abt buying any n every Shinn/Kira merchandise if anyone is willing to sell lol. yesh~ me hardcore.... bsides my rm is like BARE.. so decorating it is my top priority now lol.

What Gundam SEED Character Are You?

Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Oro oro...n i juz said my image for him juz kena flushed.... But nah i think i'm more of the Sai Argyle or Rey Za Burrel types..

Neways been feeling restless (the cause? partially was due to alot of wind in my tummy and partially due to Liverpool fans screaming GOAL!!... but i must admit Liverpool amde a GREAT comeback.. me commenting on soccer...strange lol) these few days n finally ended up being sick lol sad can't watch Star Wars wif Kei n gang... plus can't meet Taku's monkey troop for dinner tmr *sigh* o well.. at least i dun hafta go to work on Friday and Thursday lol (I'm sucha Lazy ass) Hope i can enjoy next week's Streetfest. Finally, juz a lil note, Wyte has grown some bit lol n he loves to poke his head outside the window lol... I hope he lives long n enjoys life to the max unlike the pass 2 strays that was adopted. lol Such a rojak entry.. saaa eheehee my mind's liek tat always~

Thoughts Adrift

2005-05-10T13:05:00.000+08:00

LoL been thinkin on a weird thing so gonna voice it out here lol.. U know how ppl been thinking of wad inanimate ecological objects they would bcome? like the Sun, Moon, Stars etcetc.. i was on my way back n i think i kno wat i would like to bcome lol: A Cloud lol.

Why? Lotsa reasons.. even tho i won't shine like the moon or sun it doesn't matter coz "every cloud has a silver lining" XD Moreover wif a simple help from the winds in the atmosphere i can easily (seemingly effortlessly) drift across the sky but in true fact when converted to metres, the distance i've travelled is greater than any machine man could make. Simply meaning that I wanna b like a Cloud coz with little effort i can get lotsa things done.

Plus, when i'm sad i give the Earth the blessings of rain... it's juz the intensity of the rain that mite hurt lol. Rain usually comforts ppl but too much will irritate everyone... i gues control is the key? lol Pls do take note lightning is produced by the Earth not Clouds lol.

A cloud i wanna be coz my emotions r unpredictable lol one moment u mite think my colour is white.. orange, red.. grey even blue n u can nv pin point wad i'm feeling until i wanna show it lol. Finally it's gd to b a cloud coz when i disappear i trouble no 1, the Cloud's life juz ends without any hassle or destruction e.g. explosion or ugliness e.g. rotting, it simply fades awy. If only! XD lol such an easy life lol. Hmm i guess this is wad one would really term as "DayDreaming" LOL "Head up in the Clouds" LOL Newayz here's a quiz to top it off~ enjoy~

Your #1 Match: ISTJ

The Duty Fulfiller

You are responsible, reliable, and hardworking - you get the job done.
You prefer productive hobbies, like woodworking or knittings.
Quiet and serious, you are well prepared for whatever life hands you.
Conservative and down-to-earth, you hardly ever do anything crazy.

You would make a great business executive, accountant, or lawyer.

Your #2 Match: ESTJ

The Guardian

You're a natural leader and quick, logical decision maker.
Goals are important in your life, and you take many steps to acheive them.
You enjoy interacting with others, mostly through work related activities.
Your high energy level means you are great at getting things done!

You would make a great teacher, judge, or police detective.

Your #3 Match: INTJ

The Scientist

You have a head for ideas - and you are good at improving systems.
Logical and strategic, you prefer for everything in your life to be organized.
You tend to be a bit skeptical. You're both critical of yourself and of others.
Independent and stubborn, you tend to only befriend those who are a lot like you.

You would make an excellent scientist, engineer, or programmer.

Your #4 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #5 Match: ISTP

The Mechanic

You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.
A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.
To outsiders yous eem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.
You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people.

You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.

What's Your Personality Type?

Once in a Blue Moon

2005-05-08T19:12:00.000+08:00

First and formost esp after hearing certain things from my sources... i gotta make things clear;

1> Abt the Inu, PH and Skye matter... a warning to all.. I'm NOT on anyone's side but my own.. which is fairly nuetral since all 3 r my frens.. I rather they all stood firm for wad they believe regardless of others thots while controlling their emotions and settle it in a peaceful manner.. enuff said.

2> Hiyuki, even tho yes i must admit i blew up and got angry upon findin out "stuff", i dun hate you nor do i have any grudges against you. I simply dun wanna interfere wif ur life anymore since i'll only make it worse, simple as that. So thus i'm only wishin u: all the best from afar.

3> Cherry, dun submit to ur negativity. Ziru and I r tryin to help u as best as we could to make u smile. N if we dun make a difference and interfere wif ur life (like i always do to most friends since i tend to stick my neck into personal stuff)... well then i apologise on our behalf. But b brave and strong.

Uwaah~ yesterday very very inventful day as stated above.. hmm let's see.. was nearly pulled into a huge matter that i wasn't even involved in.. but luckily managed to solve the matter rather than making it worse hmm hmm a potential all out war mite hv broke out but the parties were able to control themselves which i'm very happy about since they all r mature enuff.. But luckily.. Ziru's Bday Celebration was a big success (tho i've make a mental note nv to suggest an ice cream cake again since it's damn difficult to cut even wif a metal knife lol) All in all yesterday was damn fun.. n tiring...lol Y? coz i think i'm getting too old n sickly.. 1 round of para and i can't tahan lol o n yes Ziru said sumthing very memorable yesterday: "The best gift any friends could gimme, is tat they b happy and live life fully"... such a sweet girl.. esp since i'm alrdy drained all my $$ to get her anything lol ><;;. In conclusion, Ziru's bday party was a very memorable occasion. Hmm wat else to ntoe b4 i log out... o yea got to kno Ivy, Marche, Kie, Dan, Requiem, IceTea, Masa?, Osaka and Nicky abit better. Marche, Kie, Dan n Requiem r all cool gals, goth/punk and tough. Ivy is very mature n she's a very gd listener lol.. she even sought out sumthings i wanted lol.. so sweet. Icetea is calm and a gd Bleach Taichou... so far i dun see her letting emotions get in the way of decisions so so damn cool lol. Masa... wow not only is he a hot jrocker.. but he could even PARA LOL i was.. AMAZED lor! Osaka, thot he was a cold propmaster... but LOL he told me he's juz blur..walkin ard stoningly lol like Azumanga lol n Finally Nicky, i enjoy talking to him... he makes me laugh everytime lol sad he gtg early. As for Taku, Gwing, Johnny and Kaishi lol they r like a brotherhood lol so casual and friendly. n yea.. i hope Inu's ok... yesterday she was tired out sia.. poor girl lol... o..k.. lol to me yesterday was really sumthing to take note of.. thus i blog lol ><;; o n yea on the way back home.. lol i helped a guy pushed his motorbiek to start it up..y? in his words: "The battery weak" lol. *breathes* long... LONG long... entry hope things get cleared up and i dun further mess things up too lol o n yes tool this weird BLEACH quiz.. stolen from Taku lol i thinkthe Bleach grp mite b interested LOL tat's all nitenite.

Your Bleach love affair by hagane_ready
Name
Age
You have an affair with	Nemu
Even though your spouse is	Shunsui.
Then	Rukia finds out that you have been making out with Hanatarou
and demands that you	sleep with him/her for three nights
or else	he/she will eat up all your gummy candies.
In the end, you are rescued by	Soi Fong.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Bleach love affair by hagane_ready
Name
Age
You have an affair with	Gin
Even though your spouse is	Momo.
Then	Kon sees you snogging your secret lover
and demands that you	declare your love for pink boxers in front of Chad
or else	he/she will make you Shuugasm all night long.
In the end, you are rescued by	Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Recovery

2005-04-19T10:59:00.000+08:00

Wheeee~ on my 2nd day of MC n i'm feeling better than yesterday thank God lol hmm kinda waitin for sum animes to finish dling so i decided to update abit~ let's see.... April is gonna end n May is round the corner lol wheeee my pay my pay!! lol hmm n yea dun 4get the debts i hafta pay too.. aww tat nuetralised my joy rats lol hmm wat else wat else.. o YEA!! Closer n closer to my GSD Gashapon *dance Kirby dance* <(^^<) ^(^o^)^ (>^^)> i guess tat's it... kk den off to put zee stolen quizzes~

Your word is: Brooding. You are a true thinker and
often try to figure out the meaning of life,
why we are all here etc. You may not be so
social, and often think twice before acting but
those thoughts you have in your mind never stop
flowing in. Sometimes you can be so
concentrated you forget about other things that
you have to do. Don't change, this world needs
deep people.

What dark word represents you? (anime pics and 7 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ooooo in depth thinkin which could b otherwise mistaken as sensitivty i presume? LOL but true true i brood alot lol

Your soul is caring.
Other people are your concern, even if you
don't know them. If you see a person trip you
worry is he is okay. You put your loved ones
first and you're very mature. When someones
sick you're nurturing and always try to help
family and friends when failure strikes them.
You can be called the motherly one, if you are
in a group of people, which doesn't have to be
bad. Love is something that's already in you
and you have a lot to give whether you believe
it or not. Your friends probably love you very
much and come to when they need help since
you're reliable. People can feel secure with
you and generally like you.

How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

.....This i gotta rebutt.... tho i feel abit praised but... "caring".. i think this quiz thinks too highly of me.... as most people would agree.. i think.. newayz tat's it.. me return to my slumber... *throws body on bed* ZZZzzzzzzZZZzzz~

Feeling Strange...

2005-04-17T17:43:00.000+08:00

You like the sweet, shy type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Errr eto... hmmm i bet most of u ppl r thinkin: y did i take the above quiz rite? hmm eto ano.. coz i like cute little anime boys like Negi n Kotarou~~ *koffkoff* nono i meant i was bored n had nuthing better to do... sou sou tat's it LOLOLOL~ ^^;;

Okie dokie~ an update since i kinda feel sumthing significant happened yesterday... lol WEnt out wif The Gang.. As crazy as ever but as usual in the beginnin it was kinda dull since everyone was quite quiet.. den when everyone's engines got hotter it was more fun~ lol Hmm firstly they went to Yoshinoya to hv lunch while i err... stare n drool LOL, bought tat ice cream tat Gwing recommended.... SUKI~~ lol Cookies & Cream~~ hmm den visited Kinokuniya browsed abit n met JL there... ah yes that Getbackers Artbook is tempting... $50 i think i can get it like in June look.. May's budget is alrdy erm... hopless LOL.... hmm den went down to Douby Ghaut n waited @ the arcade for Kai n AX to turn up... they took VERY long.... but i got to play that old Alien VS Predator game.. lol missed it lol so fun~ next time i go play Dungeon n Dragons LOL (sry la abit old fashioned bsides... i scared to play SC n the fightin games.. definitely my ass will get kicked.. *BAM!* lol) hmm When the finally came.. re-meet TL n JL at PS who visited the newly opened CC there.....(they went w/o me T^T) den went down Parklane dere n they played V-on n Pool lol me watch.. went broke after 2nd day of salary ler lol y?...hmm.. spend too much la duh~ LOL den finally.. make one big loop to Bugis.. check out the arcade awhile... Had dinner @ Food Junction.. (me juz eat cheeseburger la by reclaimin points...y? me broke T^T) after that everyone was tired.. n went home lol...

hmm the trip was cool for me coz i had a grt share of laughter hmmm the only thing is tat... i hv this weird feeling as tho either sumthing is amist or sumthing was wrong... no idea.. still hvin this uncomfortable feeling in my chest now...weird... hmm felt abit better after saying it out.. o yea~ 4got to mentioned bumped into Taku n Gwing @ Kino~ talked n laughed abit b4 they had to eat n meet some other frens who's giving Gwing bday presents LOL.. i only got to treat him 2 drinks n 2 packets of that GSD card collection... T^T *sobsob* he didn't allow me to get him a bday present.... such a modest person lol tho i couldn't pay him back for all the help he gave me while i was damn blur abt Selarang Camp la.. LOL hmm speaking of bdays... i wonder when is Taku's bday... aiyo.. i planned this to b a short entry.. in the end.. it made 2 whole LOOOOONNNG paragraphs... o well.. n as for the quizzes below.. yes it adds to the weird feeling in my chest coz well.. i dun really feel depressed or sad or anything now.. mayb it's my past self? no idea lol

Your element is Ice. This element may seem a little
odd, but this is a side-effect from when the
element of Water gets to hurt. Once you were a
content soul, and happy with life. But then
something happened. Not necessarily on one day,
it probably happened gradually over time. You
lost your will to care and became even more
reserved from the world. People had hurt you in
ways you do not want to remember and now you
isolate yourself from them. You have turned
into an outsider and probably dress more in
black than you used to. Your depression is
eating you up and tearing you apart and the
worst part is that no one is willing to help,
or so it seems. In school you are often by
yourself or one single friend and you rarely
seem to be truly happy anymore. Your sad,
distant eyes and constant frown seems glued to
your face and you need a saviour from this
world. You may turn to music for understanding
and sing/scream along in the lyrics to get rid
of some pain. You are not very open about your
problems to your family/friends, and wish that
they would just notice it and make it go away.
Rate and message!

What is your element? [with pics + 7 outcomes + detailed answeres!]
brought to you by Quizilla

You are sad because of the loneliness in your life

Why are you sad? [amazing pictures] For darker people
brought to you by Quizilla

Lucky

2005-04-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

o..k.. finally i retrieved n remembered my password... neways need to let out my feelings abt my rather worrying health progress... Juz got referred to a psychologist or theraphist i'm not sure but he told me it wasn't memory loss... wif supporting evidence frm changi hospital.. they said it was a memory blockade.. either it was unconsciously done or on purpose they dunno.. n nor do i remember.. but slowly i carefully learning how to remove it "layer by layer" as the theraphist say la but dun force it if it's too difficult.. hmm instead of worrying i find this ability now actually interesting and unique lol to b able to block those memories at random...gd or bad??.. hmm now tat i think abt it..could hv those memories i blocked out been hurtful to me?.. i even forwarded this to the theraphist n he said it was a high chance it is so.. ah well i'll juz c wat happens la

Neways i'm happy i remembered my password n user name.. i kinda forget i had this blog lol n the designs r not so bad... dun think i did it myself...rite? lol.. madness lol uber weird things happen to me at weird times aiyoyo lol O O one other thing i'm uber hyped abt~~ i manage to reserve this one full couple set of GSD gashapon set from La Tedo~~ sooo cool~ lol Kira X Lacus, Athrun x Cagalli n Shinn X Stellar wif Rei as an extra LOL My personal thx to Gwing for the refreshing outing yesterday (Sunday 10/4) n grt ice cream LOL~~ It's been sumtime since i got out of house/hospital n enjoyed jalan-jalan abit lol newayz.. since i got back my blog.. i'll update when i can la~ ah i feel sooo hyped lol blog, gashapon set.. goin out again (finally) lol wheeee~ Finally... miss seeing my frens....ore no taisetsu no nakama-tachi... hope they r ok n well lol, wish them all the best lol X3 n to those who r worried abt me lol Dun wry k? i'm fine :)

Random Quiz

2005-03-15T09:56:00.000+08:00

Your dark side is centered around Hopeless Faith. A
shattered broken heart holding its last breath,
searching for its salvation in a cold world.
All you want is a sweet loving heart, touchs
your hand and holds you in their arms,
prmoising you they will love you forever, so
you can feel that the whole world is revolved
around the both of you only, no more sorrow or
regret, just love. You will find what you want
when you believe in yourself and when you start
making your life with your own hands.

What is the center of your dark core? (updated)
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmm sore wa douka na~ ippai ippai mondai wa aru, demo lol kanarazu... lol kondo koso kurushimi mo, itami mo kakei nai lol... i hv no idea wat random thot i juz wrote in romanji but lol juz using my office com's internet 1 last tim b4 i go for course @ sembawang camp tmr.. *sigh* lol my ezlink is gonna burn LOL ja na~

Weekend Madness?

2005-03-14T09:13:00.000+08:00

You are a normal friend...the old and good casual
friend...it's nice to have you around...you are
funny and talkative...good company for all
times!

What kind of friend are you?(anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wheee me = casual friend.. hmm that explains lotsa things LOL

Astaghfirullahallazim... as expected burnt my weekend ler *grumblegrumble* no matter b4 i went for my check up on saturday, i had some fun~ Returned some money to Daryl.. hmm went to have lunch wif Alex n Kazu lol they r a funny couple, very cartoon-like leh lol awkward yet fun to b wif lol hmm den hmm o yea gave Kai his belated bday present lol so happy he liked it.. hope i can make other friends as happy on their bdays too lol it has this comforting n warm feeling inside that i've long since not felt.. hmm found out Kula's better now since she's been goin out n finally burying her emotions of a certain bastard lol errhmmm~ all in all this weekend wasn't so bad.. sure the pain and sian-ness of hospital life is normal but lol shoganai ba~ Aoi wa Aoi da~ =3 lol Plus i got to see some1 smile lol ureshi~ lol ~^^~

Mysterious Guy! The living riddle! You are smart, a
kind of a mysterious loner and you love to talk
in riddles, girls can't resist that. Great for
you.

What kind of Boy are you? .._..contains Anime pictures.._..
brought to you by Quizilla

RRrrrrrright.... let me get a fit body first then i can consider a bishie la..

Your smile hides the apathy inside. You don't
really care, which twists what would be a smile
into a smirk, for you know that after all is
said and done, in the end, nothing else
matters, for all there is is today.

What Emotion Does Your Smile Hide?
brought to you by Quizilla

....Hai?... ok that was a strange chain of quizzes... lol all stolen from Kula LOL meow~

....Even Dusk Will turn to Dawn Soon

2005-03-11T13:35:00.000+08:00

The Hermit

What Major Arcana Tarot Card are you? (with anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

A small update lol coz i found this nice quizzy~ lol hmm lately my com has been giving me troubles.. i even asked Kyo for help but i ended up troubling him... gomene n gambatte in ur studies, u definitely can do it~! hmm i think my com gonna KO liau lol soo slow both internet and normal functions.. dunno wat to do *sigh* mayb i'll go ask Kei for help ba.. neways the quizzy was stolen from Kula lol.. o yea tat girl i hope she recovers from her sadness ba lol alot of ppl worried for her liau plus she looks better when she smile lol gambatte Kula-chan~ =3 O sian tmr need to visit hospital.. sian 1/2!! ><;; hope my weekend nv kena burn again i HATE staring at the ceiling fan circulate lol *sigh* hmm nuthing else la i end my bloggie here

General Update

2005-03-10T08:17:00.000+08:00

Alhamdullilah, Life been kinda smooth lately lol, getting used to work n all.. juz too tired nowadays to go online lol hmm n they put me on course from 16th till 31st March kinda tedious but i guess it's for the best? Even though it's in Sembawang lol oi i can imagine how washed out i'll be lol A lvl results oso hmm so n so lol praying hard i can get into my wanted faculty lol.. hmm speaking of prayers; catching up wif all my lost prayer moments lol finally n yea wat they say is kinda true..(no i'm not gonna brag abt holy stuff) it really acts like yoga.. like a calming session lol

The only pinch (this month especially)is that my weekends are burned in hospital lol being hooked up to tubes n all den they place electric wires all over me n start the painful process but hey~ i'm showing improvement even tho i feel like some marionette unable to move n all demo shoganai yo~ Hopefully next month they'll tone down the frequency of times i hafta b hospitalised.. it's juz.. sian ba LOL

O yea n i've promised myself to do sumthing LoL Kondo koso ano yakusoku mamoritai~ soreja~

Stolen Goodies

2005-03-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

hmm stolen from Taku:

You are Tifa Lockhart. You're cheery and loving but
very shy and mature, and also is into Karate.
You're nature suits you perfectly, but people
are blind to see that on first impressions. But
it's not your fault, and you honestly don't
care what they think of you. You can be a bit
bossy but it's nothing serious. You can never
forgive somebody who's hurt you so much, and
you are very loyal to your friends.

What Final Fantasy 7 Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stolen from Cherry:

You're a light blue Haro...dig it?

What kind of Haro (Gundam) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Uber Regret, Sworn Revolution

2005-02-21T14:10:00.000+08:00

OK last saturday really tested my friendship towards Bilin... iono my excuse was that everything's been bombarding me and that nite was the point of breakage... i really hated myself for juz blurting out on her like that.. it was pure anger n frustration and the worse part.. Bilin wasn't even 100% at fault.. i was juz simply jealous that she n Aho was very intimate to each other... it's not really specifically envy as to their actions but rather it's more to.. that I can't b as close to them as they r to each other (among the Shiten-O) n I'm.. always, in the end, left one corner by myself.. it's painful... but these r simply excuses... iono.. wat i feel generally was anger and loneliness... but specifically iono... Bilin even told me she has a reason for doin that n STILL i tried to DIG it from her.. Aoi aoi.. didn't u juz said u would respect her decision? honto no baka! Worse on that very night i juz broke... n cried.. of all times i simply ruined most of the fun for Bilin and Aho... now i kno y sumtimes i juz shouldn't b there wif them.. i'll ruin everythign wif my freaking attitude.. juz coz i'm in pain.. juz coz i'm alone i ruined the event for myself n partially more so for them. But for that very night itself i was grateful at the same time.. Both Bilin and Aho didn't hate me for wat i've done even tho i hurt them.. they could understand me more than i understand them even tho i.. ruined their day.. i'm soo grateful they didn't juz left me alone... they even send me home.. Cherry too, she didn't hold a big grudge against me... But again i must say it: I'm terribly sorry.. i guess ur decision to not bring me along for most outings was right... at least i wouldn't trouble u guys... Honto ni gomenasai..

On Sunday, as retribution i guess from Fate.. i got surges of pain thruout my body.. i couldn't even type properly n finally decided to rest... n of coz weak pathetic aoi started crying all over again regreting watever happen.. y can't i juz NOT do such things then i won't hv anythign to regret! BAKA! Luckily, i talked to Taku n Aho and they told me grt advice... Taku juz said b myself... n try to talk to those who u think mite hate u.. while Aho told me that sumtimes keeping some things from others is oso a show of care (shit ar i was totally oblivious to this...) All in all the passed weekend has not been good for me.. lol i read Taku n Bilin all had fun n yet lol... stupid me ><;;. Luckily now monday typin from work LOL i feel abit better.. i mean yesterday.. alot of ppl did showed care abt me n i'm grateful.. i think it's time i accept that unlike Hiyu who shines bright and beautiful and is loved by everyone.. Aoi dun have such great valour and shine.. Whether my friends choose not to tell me stuff.. or not to hang around wif me.. who am i to stop them from doin otherwise. This time i swear.. i shan't b a jerk anymore.. n i should really respect their decision if i care for them as friends. LOL at least on the bright side... i found out very interesting new stuffs from Daryl abt Type-MOON's hidden in-depth storyline LOL

Finally.. (this i copy from hiyu)my thx and apologises to these ppl:

Bilin - Thx for everything.. even acting cold towards me taught me a vital lesson n i'm sry for not understanding well enuff and tryin to cage u simply on the basis of how long our friendship hv gone. I'm totally wrong.

Aho - Sry for being jealous of wat u've done... i simply assumed things.. n thx alot for not juz leaving my alone and even goin against ur thots of "thinking too much" juz to give me advice and make me feel better.. really thank u, it made me feel alot better

Daryl - lol thx for the Tsukihime stuff lol they r really cool~ recommend more if u can~ lol thx~

Cherry - thx for not being angry at me.. n i'm sry for juz blasting out on u like that

Taku - Thx for giving me gd advice yesterday, i'll tyr my best to follow

Alex - Thx for the costume LOL n all ur time tryin to give it to me lol

PH - sry i couldn't tell u much but thx for showin some care

Unsettled

2005-02-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

The Hero!

What was your job in a past life? (LOTS of results & Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

oooo got net from work lol.. n errr Hero? me?? i dun think so..neways onwards to the main event:

Remember the Truth? i mentioned a few entries ago lol well i've learned to accept it.. i mean like Hiyu once said friends will naturally like some friends more then others... n in a sense as a friend i've failed miserably since i nv got to understand the Baka Shiten-O well enuff n was juz too clingy neglectin their usual lifes.. so i even tho i admit i was furious n sad when i found out abt it.. n all the selfish thots even came out like: "Y they didn't invite me along?!" n "SO i'm neglected now?!" but it's all back there n wat's done is done.. i can't do a thing.. no i shouldn't b jealous or furious if they go out w/o me coz i have no right over them lol I was simply acting like a selfish empty cage that wanted to forever trap it's canaries within forgetin abt their freedom. *sigh* in the words of Hiyu: "U're thinkin too much".. lol n in the words of Aho/JJ: "Too many minds, no mind"... but this is Aoi ba LOL I hv nothing else left but my Mind LOL So i'm typin this out to relief myself abit n accept the fact lol. Sensitivity is kinda difficult for me to overcome lol but clinginess, i'm working on it... n as for pessimism.. well lol tat depends if my loneliness can b shattered *breathes* Sad but lol a fact is a fact... I wish the Baka Shiten-O the best~ Gambatte n thx for the great company! However i do hope u can gimme another chance.. den mayb i can finally proof myself worthy of ur friendship n time. Best if we can sit together n u guys juz tell me wat i need to change esp those elements tat disturbs u n if this were to ever occur i assure i won't let fits or sensitivity get in the way.. coz.. i dun wanna lose u bakas.. XD

P.S.> Hiyu: Noble prize ka...i think we settled on Swensens after July rite?

Arigatou

2005-02-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

Hmm ok this is gonna b a personal entry juz to thank 1 special sum1...it's gonn b mushy n boring but i juz feel like typing it out so dun bother if u r not interested. I hope her head doesn't go bloated after reading this but LOL i think she's worth it. Her name is Ong Bilin a.k.a. Hiyuki. She's been there for me for 5years hearing me rant n stayin by my side comforting me no matter how sharp or hurtful my words can b when i'm utterly down in the gutter. I dun think i've done anything worthy in return for her friendship yet but i juz felt that i wanna list down wat she did for me all this while today.

I've nv had a friend like her..lol in kindergarden till primary sch i needed no one.. i can do everything by myself but den upon steppin in Sec sch... Fate really tested my independance... juz for grades i had to boot lick... it disgusted me. Luckily i met her. Since sec 2 n thru library even tho she had her own classmates to hang around wif, she hung around wif me n we always laughed n joked abt anime stuff... even in the face of Mrs Wee lol we couldn't care less. She thot me how's it like to break a few rules n i must admit it was fun. Moreover i think i've greatly troubled her by sumhow "psycho-ing" her into coming to my class every morning after sumtime of knowing her lol i mean i truly regret it coz she was faced wif ppl who looked down upon her... worse i couldn't do.. no i didn't even realise till it was too late. However, thru sec sch she's always manage to make me look forward to sch everyday lol. She even guided me thru the Akane Dilemma.

When i left Dunman n entered JC life... my god, the tortures of hell (lvl 1) juz came crashing down on me... i lost my socialising skills n even gain ALOT of pessimism lol yet she could bear wif me.. she only said that i was getting too sarcastic... lol i regretted the times i ranted to her abt that stupid "college"...JC life really lol fucked me up... like wat Bilin told me yesterday: "Aoi u've changed alot.. u get depressed very easily n can rarely smile".. iono how to respond to it lol. N yea during this time period she got her "O" results n was damned, but i didn't do a thing.. lol Y?! i was too selfishly pre-occupied wif my life... luckily Kei was there lol. N yet i feel more depressed when i found out she was gonna go out wif him LOL XP silly me i kno i'm not worth it for her yet y the Envy? stupid bleh 4get abt tat.. lol Yet she still pulled me into the "Gang" n introduced all the ppl in it we socialised well thru RO n we even got to meet great overseas friends... n i was purely happy i actually had ppl to hang around wif... but crap la.. that brings me to my present prob..

Now i'm in NS... i can barely contact the "Gang" n the Baka-tachi is drifting away from me... shit la.. i kno this will sound irresponsible but i seriously blame my JC life.. not only did i lost my socilaisin skills but i got Fits... n WORSE OF ALL i had higher expectations for my friends... i mean i expected that they would b fine wif me being all clingy n clung to them as tho i had no life.. like everytime i had to go out wif them or i'll feel really empty.. but i forgot... i was literally hangin them.. choking them wif the same routine..boring them wif my depression n i STILL selfishly continued... really lol I didn't kno their true worth until i lost them or rather until they lost any feeling for me.. n history is repeating itself... coz i simply couldn't learn from my mistakes... i'm still in deep regret lol but lol again the only saviour to stick by my side was Hiyu.. she could turn my tears into a smile... watever insults she made.. i wasn't hurt but rather pleasantly tickled LOL n for these past 3 days she's been listenin to me rant on the phone w/o any hesitation n simply saying: "Dun wry aoi i'm here for u to rant to.." LOL it means soo much to hear this Hiyuki... thus this entry is to show how much u r worth for me.. however, dun wry abt me caging u, i dun hv any power nor right to do so juz live n write ur life the way u want it lol. O God i think the best repayment is for me to sumhow get out of depression... *breathe* hmmm how i wonder.. . I Pray to thee Allah please one day show me enlightenment from this Darkness so i dun lose anymore of those i treasure, n for bestowing upon my such a patient and understanding friend Allah i thank u. N Bilin.. Thanks.. thanks for everything =)

The Truth

2005-02-14T07:15:00.000+08:00

it hurts... it simply hurts.. tho i reasoned soo much yesterday i knew deep down it was all my fault.. all my fault for being soo despo n clingy in nature... well at least i found out y i've been sulkin the past few days wif no reason... lol i guess everyone would b better or rather living a more free n brighter life without me... i can say nothing else but apologise for any wrong i've done esp for not understanding n not doin anythin but whining... well neways take care n thx for all the smiles u've bestowed upon me =)

Random

2005-02-12T15:32:00.000+08:00

Darekaga Sakebu yo... Yoru wo tojiagete
"Someone's Screaming.. To "Open" His Night"
- Secret World

Ok everything has officially collapsed n decomposed away from my life... right down from 4A till AS... den to Invogay n finally to the Baka sannin (i must admit iono them but they're not letting me know them similar to the others b4 them, like this they won't last) ... I'm driftin further n further away from everything.. whether by the other side's wish or by my own.. saaa obviously i'm typing this coz loneliness hurts like mad.. but den again hving a second look there's no 1 to depend upon but myself.. thus why did i bother to hv and care for friends in the first place? Y did i bother to pull them together when in the end they will juz fall apart by themselves?... Sumtimes i wish i can juz b the villain tat'll try to pry the heros apart but always fails.. unfortunately it's the inverse.. i'm not doin a thing n the "protangonists" r falling 1 by 1... fallin either by forever living in their fantasy world, oblivious to others emotions or simply juz dun wanna understand how others feel. In conclusion: Humans r dumb n selfish... *sigh* rats n i'm one of them >.> enuff rant.. all that's left to do is get myself together n survive wif or without their help.

ZZzzZzzzzZZzz

2005-02-09T14:44:00.000+08:00

My angst tastes like...

Lime
Find your angst's flavor
Sour yet intriguing, your angst is of the romantic variety. You probably spend a good portion of your time daydreaming about that one person you want, how your first date would be, how you'd love to do certain things, and above all how everlastingly happy you would be together. While there's nothing wrong with this, you know that it's unhealthy to spend too much time dreaming and not enough time in reality, and to build lofty goals and fantasies that no actual person could ever hope to achieve. Try to center yourself and cut back on time spent in your fantasy life; you may find out all that experience creating romantic moments has made you quite the charmer if you would only try!

From the above quiz.. errr.. no comments: i'm not a flirter type ==;; Neways mou i think i've caught a few viri from my stupid "negativity absorption"... In Tim's term: This funny skill i hav is unconsciously absorbing ppl's negativity then i'll release it by sulkin n angsting my days awy LOL hmm but i can't pin point WAT viri i got... i mean i'm bcomin more lazy, ecchi n all... LOL these few days hv been dominated by these strange feelings... let me list:

1> [Boredom n sian-ness occuring very frequently] tis wasn't so obvious.. i mean when i was thinkin of how long a weekend i'll b experiencing.. i was fantasising all the nice relaxful times i'll hv.. yet here i am.. sian 1/2 of coz i gotta do sum CNY visitin but it alrdy ended.. yes i hv limited chinese relatives coz of... social acceptance i guess..? plus since it's CNY can't hang out wif my friends.. oh well, i'll juz look forward to our next outing la..
2> [Insomnia @ night n total tirednes when working] no explanation required... by itself u kno how pissy this can b..

3> [Finally, more ecchi-ness intro-ed into my life] ...actually more like Fate signaling: It's time to stop ur Yaoi... i mean i've been given real life experiences wif total gays in my stupid office.. n seriously i hate them, it freaks me out.. Worse yesterday while i was about to para wif cherry.. there was a bunch of lesbos n gays b4 us.. i was damn disgusted.. i soo need to get rid of my sensitivity.. i dun wanna end up like THEM! YUCKS! I mean Yaoi is fine.... it's only animation plus i dun mind huggin guys n all coz tat's how i express my friendship-love for them.... but guys acting like soft gals n thinkin it's nice is... scary..it's such a turn....even for me who dun really mind elegance but yesterday was ridiculous.. Ugh! IT WAS @ CENTURY SQUARE SUMMORE! Aiyo wth is happenin to this world... ==#

hmmm n the conclusion?......errrr... i hv no clue... mayb i'm changing? iono mayb negativity has gotten soo sian my body is evolving for my better gd... mayb... i'm thinkin too much ==;; sad i can't juz dun care since i alrdy notice these weird behaviours but o well.. let's juz wait n see lor. ^^;;

Sonna Bakaga! demo,...masaka..

2005-02-07T18:35:00.000+08:00

LJ Friends Meme by

1. You must tell 13 people about this game.
2. ***** is the one that you love.
3. ****** is one you like but can't work out.
4. You care most about JJ.
5. Aho is the one who knows you very well.
6. Kai is your lucky star.
7. Reason is the song that matches with the person in number 3 (*****).
8. Chou is the song for the person in 7 (******).
9. Boundless Love is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
10. and Eden is the song telling you how you feel about life
Take this quiz

O..K... stole the above from Hiyu's blog... errr iono whether to say it's true or not i myself is not sure... i mean Kai as my lucky star? Aho knows me well?! O.O Masaka... but yea i do care abt JJ.. n the sogs matches the ppl n my thots quite correctly... but still.. hmmm saaa ==;;

Didn't stole the other one.. coz question 2 quite tedious... but hmm mayb question 1.. i should.. nah i'll juz do it...

1) Post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, just so long as it happened. Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you...

Today was quite lucky... found out gonna hv a super long weekend after tmr's half day... i mean no work till next wednesday...XD n work passed by really really fast... luckily.. LOL hmm but pay hvn't come in yet.. i wonder when hmm... i guess tat's all for now la..

Saa..

2005-02-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

"Happiness is but a momentary illusion,... What awaits ahead is only the Pains & Harshness of Reality" - some random quote i made myself lol.

Actually i'm quite happy today, got to c JJ again [missed tat funny guy..nvm fails to keep u smile lol] n had a splendid dinner wif Bilin, Daryl, Aho n JJ @ Sakura.. plus i'm really honoured tat they thanked me for the treat lol i'm juz happy they ate till their full lol tat was 1 wish achieved.. We laughed alot n it's been sumtime since i laughed that much... i even got to see Disgaea [ i *heartheart* Etna n Flonne~~ Laharl can go sleep for another 2 yrs.. ]*sigh* unfortunate la.. Fate has weird ways to turn the tables against me.. the sudden cancel for tmr made me disappointed n the way my mom reacted juz coz i came back 45mins after midnite irritated me.. dunno la.. i can't b bothered by all these stuffs anymore. I'm specifically not happy @ the way my parents r treating me even tho i'm alrdy 18... how more perfect do u want this child to b? How long must i b kept on this leash...? saaa.. mayb i juz b satisfied wif the happy moments i receive... greedy, selfish Aoi

But this is no simple rant chapter of my life.. or an entry for the readers to pity me.. Not this time! This time wateva happens i kno there's a reason bhind it thus not matter how angered i get, how much pain n sadness i feel.. it's nothing; i promise myself that the best thing to do is give a little smile.

You are Angel Trainee Flonne! You were sent as an
assassin to the Netherworld, but you decided to
find out whether or not demons can experience
love. You now want to see a world where
Humans, Demons, and Angels all live together in
peace.

Which Disgaea Hour of Darkness character are you? (Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

LOL Flonne? Me? Blur and naive? masaka..

UBER PISSED!

2005-01-30T18:49:00.000+08:00

Ok my life is SERIOUSLY not goin on a smooth course.. i can't see n enjoy time wif my friends.. m family thinks i'm a hermit since i nv joined them for Hari Raya visiting thoroughly.. my sis made a BIG matter over a stupid pencil... yesterday nite got insomnia n depression... eh! Really man.. if i could scream i'll scream like mad alrdy.. it's really driving me to the brink of insanity.. first can bond wif friends den family makes hell of a noise.. n my parents.. omg i'm giving u HALF of my NS SALARY! Settle the freaking financial problem alrdy.. everytime court letter.. sry for not being filial but this is tooo much till i'm SIAN ALRDY! While my sis holds utterly NO respect for me.. she dare say: "Wat? I can't use the com issit? Isn't it for everyone?"...oo the bitterness EH SIS! U NV bothered taking care of it.. n u question my authority?! Really u should b grateful i at least LET u use the com! ARGH! Now not only is my mind n heart troubled by my sensitivity n assumptions.. i got a household hell group to attend to.. ARGH!!... At times like this i wish i could juz Sharingan that Kira YamaAHOness n SLEEP my days awy... OOOOoO Life when i juz started to like u.. u make me hate u even more... ARGH! Stupid FUCKIN LIFE! Tat does it.. suicide is no longer an option.. i'll overcome u once n for all till my grave!... I'll make an Ice Wall soo thick let's see if ur "obstacles" can atk me.. den i'll 1 hit KO u.. ARGH! The pissiness is soo irritating! UGH! Wat a weekend.. Sadness n Irritation.. oooh!! *grinds teeth*

Nemurenai... wakarenai... DAIKIRAI!!

2005-01-30T03:02:00.000+08:00

Can't slp.. my head is spinnin n my chest is in dire pain.. I had a long stroll yesterday frm 8pm all the way till 10... alone yes.. been thinkin abt lotsa stuff but it ended wif no conclusion.. all it did was magnified this horrid feeling inside of me... i did hv sum1 to talk to (Alexiel) to relief abit of my pain.. but i did the most miserable thing i could hc possibly done.. i confronted Aho... i kno he's the blur n doesn't think much type n i hope he's not offended.. coz i spoke sharp words n blurted... CRAP AR! Y did i did i do such a thing?! yes it settled some of my emotions.. but now guilt is as great as ever... He's not wrong.. he's not wrong at all.. it's all me.. n yet i spout stupid things.. i blamed him for MY FITS! MY OWN STUPID MEDICAL CONDITION.. I PUSHED IT TO HIM!!! I'm shit i tell u.... i'm stupid soo stupid... juz coz i feel soo pressured by everything.. sum1 juz had to b a scapegoat shit ar... n now i feel i dun deserve friends LOLFUCK U LA AOI! U juz typed out not to b emotional n the next thing u do is.. a stupid thing like tat.. REALLY FUCK U!
Now i kno y i was destined to take that walk alone.. to experience how miserable it is to feel lonesome.. to juz walk ard a shopping mall, on a street juz staring on the floor.... wif no1 to talk to.. lol n when i read Taku's blog.. i realised he's soo blessed LOL.. den i realised my fault.. it's simply coz i desire too much.. i want too much from friendships tat i 4got all abt the lifes of those frineds i made... they hv their own lifes, Aoi GET IT DRILLED INTO UR HEAD! NOT SIMPLY JUZ TO ENTERTAIN U! SO FUCK OFF ALRDY! I kno I KNEW yet.. ARGH! I hate this selfish sensitive depressed self..... I want to hv the courage n strength to juz smile it off.. but i'm simply too weak n too much of a cowardice scourge to juz get the HECK OVER DEPRESSION! I hate my sensitivity.. i hate myself.. weak willed, coward.. selfish, girlish.. totally unlike a boy... a freak.. really i'm thankful friends tat could actually accept me exists.. they could tolerate ME.. while i COULDN'T EVEN TAHAN MYSELF anymore.... n i still had the chic to say i care for my friends... LOL YEA RITE AOI! U ONLY CARE FOR URSELF!.. i should disappear....

Nothing Much

2005-01-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

Imma @ Kei's place now... Hiyu, Kei n Nike r watching "My Date Wif a Vampire 3" n i'm like bored since i fine it lame... Tryin my best to reach Aho so tat i can return him some of his stuff but he's not answerin his phone nor replyin on his msn... On the verge of explosion n tat's y i'm bloggin...well partially... now i guess it's tryin to soothen my unsettling feelings e.g. "Y am i avoided? Am i tat irritable?"...Luckily he answered, but wasted effort as per normal *sigh*... i feel lotsa guilt n anger la.. but comparing this to the time when i was in JC.. i better shuddup.. Loneliness is far worse den guilt.. Oso i am reminded of a chat wif Rose a few days ago... she mentioned abt how easily gd times r forgotten... i guess it's true in my case since i only want things my way.. i really gotta find out how to b in more control of myself... even by bloggin like this i've failed in controlling my emotions.. but i need an outlet.. I dun get it seriously.. am i tat bad a person or irritating a pest till the point ppl can ignore me? R my words so shallow even tho i put my feelings into it? Or issit juz cos i'm "soft n sensitive" tat ppl fear me?... Really, Hiyu juz told me: "Aiya forget it la, he's like tat" but sad.. i even damn myself for not being able to juz let it go... coz i wanna b a gd friend.. yet.. yet.. yes i wanna get rid of my clingness.. n not wry abt reality so much n juz heck my friends thots and emotions but i simply can't... mayb wif time... yes wif painful hurtful time some can b forgotten... but juz like my first crush... i juz hafta lay eyes on her PICTURE 4 god's sake n the emotions will return.. iono.. it's times like this.. it's times when i get hurt by wat ppl do so easily tat i question whether it's worth it to make friends.. issit worth it to disturb others n myself juz coz i fear loneliness.. LOL but den again even if i type all this.. who would possibly other for pity.. they hv their own lives.. *sigh* Now reminded of wat my mom said: "Y do u bother abt ur friends soo much?.. Wat abt ur family? Dun u give a damn? I kno u nv cried for us.. it's always friends this n that etc etc..." LOL so much quote.. n i couldn't even answer her lol Y do i bother? I hv no idea... Shit lar y am i so damn sensitive. Y God did u make me this way?? Can't i juz smile of any hurting emotions or words?.. Can't i juz say: "Nvm.. it's ok~" without bothering any of my Friends rather den showing my stupid depressed face??... Am i being too excessive wif Care?

Really...any1 if u hv an answer.. or comments or suggestion..pls tell me.. i think i'm lost.. i dunno wat to express anymore.. n the music playing now is not making things better LOL.. atashi wa saigo ne.. hontoni hontoni... sensitive no ningen...demo... demo shoganai.. atashi..atashi no tomodachi wa daisuki.. totemo... dakara koso.. onegai...

Song: Naruto OST - Sadness and Sorrow

Mendokusai no Fits

2005-01-26T13:59:00.000+08:00

Ah~ alot of things hv happened n i'm feeling alot better ever since i angsted n Aho unblocked me LOL yes yes i'm that sensitive to those i've hopes for...I juz hope he won't block me again coz i mite hv intruded into his personal life wif a certain guess i made TxT or i'll most likely fall back into depression n angsting again~ lol... yesterday, did a quiz of myself: http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050125094158-881503 If interested go hv a look lol the answers r quite satisfying lol at least they know my negative parts LoL... hiyu got me interested when she created her own quiz lol.. hmm kinda need to know ppl better

But anyways, Today went for my medical Appointment.. Changi Hospital forwarded my case to Tan Tock Seng... kinda weird.. but luckily the Doc was very nice. The fortunate thing is tat he's now unsure if my diesease is epilepsy... hmm he say it mite b a weird case of fits.. or juz a very funny faint.. hmm saaa.. i myself dunno.. but gotta do the brainwave thingie again on 15 Feb n 29 Feb gonna see the doc again... the only painful thing today was tat they inserted another STUPID NEEDLE inside me n this... my god.. wif Fluid.. for wat? Brainscan.... o.O i was like wat's tat needle for... den she said: "O to contrast the brain blah blah.." i was like: SHIT!! it's only a freaking scan GODDAMNIT!! WTF. Den they released the fluid into me.. so damn painful.. n iono wat the fluid was but it made my body damn hot n painful all around.. i could literally feel the fluid exit the needle in my wrist n then flow thru out my body.. crap i tell.. it was PAINFUL!! *breathes* Now my entire body feels weird.. n the wound on my wrist is bigger den b4.. coz the nurse poke wrongly... *grumblegrumble* luckily the brainwave scan (EEG) will b easier.. tho they give me a weird condition: try not to slp n give urself insomnia... ==;; ah sou... Mendokusai procedures.. sheesh but i think nuthin else should b wrong wif me... hopefully ^^;;

Complicating Expectations

2005-01-24T13:37:00.000+08:00

What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okies.. finally feeling abit less depressed.. talked to quite a number of ppl on the phone n on msn... they kinda.. relief me abit. Talked to Hiyu till 3am.. *sigh* must remember to control myself.. however the superiority complex MUST end here... If i were to b independant like i once was.. i shall stop relying on others n do it myself.. Moreover i should oso stop feeling so easily for others.. i'll b an annoyin pest if i persist *breathes* wow quite hard to even type these things out..

What Precious Gem are you? (With high-quality pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

(OOOh!! How i hate wat the above quiz say...I WANT COMPANY GODDAMNIT!.. but for all that's happen.. lol i think i'm scared of them lol scared i'll lose them due to my own selfish acts lol) OK let's put a summary at Aoi's depression.. the factors that he needs to overcome to not b depress r as follows:

1- STOP CLINGING! KEEP UR HANDS TO URSELF BUSTER!
2- Remember ur friends hv their own lives.. u r not the centre of their attention
3- Dun hv too high expectations as they will most prob disappoint u
4- Seal all excessive n emotional thinkin.. it's juz lead to plain pessimism
5- Try NEVER showing ur stupid blackened face... it'll juz turn ppl off

Hmm i think working on this 5 things first should b quite a handful.. but for my own sake.. n to not lose those i love.. i better get a grip... Okies.. Now time to order pizza for lunch, dinner n most prob tmr's dinner as well lol! yosh! GAMBATTE!

Empty..

2005-01-23T13:30:00.000+08:00

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.

"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."

The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.

As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

*sigh* I feel like sulking awy... like Kira wif his Bird.... or Shinn wif his PINK handphone... or Athrun making more balls... but den again i thot lol it's again sensitive me LOL. Yesterday was really an unexpected eventful day lol.. n i do mean lotsa things happened... lotsa feelings got involved.. Envy, Anger, Irritation, Love, Friendship till the point iono wat to feel.. but i think the quiz results on this entry kinda summarised everything lol...

In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)

What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Yesterday, JJ went to NS... as Hiyu said on her blog, i'm also feeling a part of me lost.. But for Hiyu lol she's lucky, Xueling n Aho drop by to see how she felt... tat part i felt serious envy but who am i to say anything.. i'm not part of their family tree; merely a sensitive friend.. Hiyu knows how to get ppl to care for her lol really a rare skill... All most ppl can see of me is tat i'm sensitive, posessive n excessive... yet to b cared n loved back in return..issit such a big sin? n in the morn hang around wif Kei n Kai they all n suprisingly.. i felt nothing.. no fun no sensitivity.. nothing.. it's like i couldn't even care anymore... well looks like God's giving me a signal isn't He? As per usual i'll b left alone even tho i wanted to show care.. i wanted to b cared yet... lol Iono the only gd part i guess is tat i cleared some stuff wif Aho n i'm at least happy he answered truthfully. O n yea i flooded some thots to Hiyu which juz went in from the left n exit the right ear but upon hearing wat she shared wif me... i've in no position to trouble her wif my own selfish deeds.. she got her own life to lead n yet lol.. but i envy her.. friends would come to her aid.. for me? like who cares rite? most prob it's due to my attitude.. my pessimism.. ah screw it... i hv no need to feel anything now.. let it b like my dark times again.. i'll juz control all my emotions within me.. n if i get fits lol i pray i can juz die along wif it.. Life is too painful to go thru.. yet i want my own Fate to end it n not my Will. Definitely, those who i would want these thots of mine won't see or hear them.. n even if they do it'll juz pass out as nothing but yea.. i hold things to close to my Heart it's time i no longer need a heart... But hey lol this is no definite promise.. i'll most prob b sensitive all over again anyways.. but heck~ only this blog will kno (N wow tat quiz abt eyes... so accurate lol.. well my current emotion at least)

You're like me ^.^ You feel alone sometimes, but
you will survive. Just remember that you got
alot of friends that will help you get trough
when you got problems.Think more positive ^_~
If you don't have friends, you have to be
carefull, depression isn't far away... Plzz
rate...

~~Are you a bit Depressed? Are you Happy?~~*With Anime pics*
brought to you by Quizilla

So I'm not depress? yea rite.. i must admit alot of friends.. yes but also means alot of hurt lol Soon.. very soon these 2 quotes will appeal to me alot..:

"I'll turn u all to Junk!" - Suigin Tou, Rozen Maiden
"Disappear! U stinky BUGS!!" - Kageyama Reiji, Gatekeepers

I Sux

2005-01-18T20:07:00.000+08:00

This iz no rant.. it's more like self pity n pure negativity.. so if u dun wanna kno.. den dun read on.. i've warned..

1st n formost.. i hate myself.. i'm sucha a hypocrite.. i've been bitchin abt other ppl bhind their backs like some spineless idiot n den God decides to show me wat i've done wrong... he juz simply let "wat goes around comes around" back to me... n upon impact i assure u it's damn painful.. damn lonely n full of regrets.. thus upon this realisation i must 1st apologise to those i've bitched abt b4.. namely ph, cherry n skye... i'm sry for saying stupid things without knowing u guys better at all.. i doubt u guys will ever read this but lol i gotta flood my feelings out.. frankly.. i'm no better... or rather i'm far worse than anyone... far more selfish den anyone n simply think abt myself... so yea.. to those i've inflicted my selfishness upon.. namely Bilin, Aho, JJ, Kei, Kai, Tim n others if i've not mentioned or unconscious off.. i also seek ur forgiveness.. all this while.. the only thing i've been thinkin of was how u guys nv think of me.. however on that thot i'm totally wrong.. u've guys hv always thot of me.. tat's y whenever i acted selfishly.. whenever i turned emotional.. whenever i was simply around u guys.. u would compensate...like by goin to places i can eat along e.g. Banquet even tho it's expensive... moreover anything i do.. esp when my stupid gloomy attitude kicks in.. u guys would tolerate.. Now i kno y God let me experience loneliness... now i kno why i can nv hv close.. it's not bcoz of others.. it was simply bcoz of my stupid selfish self.. I would take awy ur own personal time juz to hv dinner.. den caged u guys at my place.. for JJ n Aho... n as for Kei's side i would always complain how boring they were yet.. i nv said how happy i was.. why am i soo slow n dumb?.. in the end i could nv realise these facts until they drift awy frm me.. until i can feel my heart ache like mad.. until i can see they beginnin to distance themselves frm me.. why? coz i was too late to realise it was my own fucking fault.. my sensitive heart. my overpredictive brain.. my selfish feelings... my weak body.. i can no longer stand myself.. n wat's even better?? I dun even hv the courage to undergo suicide.. LOL another new adjective for myself: Coward.. No wonder the colour of Blue appeals to me so much.. My life is destined to b filled wif tears, sadness n misery... n as i'm typing this..

Dun pity me.. at least i'm happy i'm no longer those ignorant ones who can easily claim life is beautiful.. no it's not.. it nv will.. it's only those who r called: Friends that can ever make Life shine.. n for me i dun deserve them.. i should juz drown in my own self-pity lol esp Hiyu.. for 5 years she've done alot for me whether she is conscious of it or not.. n yet in no way can i ever repay her... even JJ.. i'm thankful tat he can notice when i'm feeling down.. he tries to comfort me.. yet i'm simply too stubborn.. n Kei he advices me to "forgive n forget".. i'm soo sry i couldn't grasp those words.. i only see vengence n hatred... as for Kai n Aho lol they were victims of my distorted feelings of "love".. LOL YES I LOVE BOYS! wonderful no?.. i'm juz fucked up... worse i made their life worse.. to Kai, i'm sry for forcing u out all the time.. n i'm sry for ever saying saying u prioritise games than friends.. i should hv seen that friends can b boring too.. to Aho, the same apology goes to u for forcing u awake even tho i kno u need ur sleep.. moreover i claimed to b able to protect u frm ph (sry ph.. i've always thot u were excessively desperate to Aho.. i've bitched abt u even.. i'm sry.. coz i'm worse much much worse... hey at least u r a gal.. look at this freak of nature LOL i sux la) yet Aho i couldn't even protect u from myself.. Seriously, i've been totally too excessive... even to Tim.. lol i can't even remember anymore those things i've let my emotions lead me by my nose n juz threw random negativity at him lol... LOL my brains soo fucking messed up.. for those who hv read this long random naggin.. i thank u.. but now i swear to myself.. i shall fuin my emotions... slowly... but surely.. my sensivity only get in the way of everyone.. lol strange.. now i dunno wat to feel anymore... However i must say this: Life been a bliss coz i met u guys.. i dun wanna lose nor drift awy from anyone... but if it's due to me.. then i guess lol it's retribution tat i deserve...

Pain & Pleasure

2005-01-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

Fun loving, childish, innocent and pure
You are a sprite of the Air: Fun loving and
childish your naive nature only enhances how
truly cute you are! You may come off as too
childish but only because your not burdened
with all the rules and regulations of
adulthood. You are carefree most of the time
spending your days playing tag or naming all
the clouds you see in the sky. You are
generally kind to everyone because you have
lots of love and happiness to share! Making
friends comes easy because they strive for the
innocence you possess but be careful, being as
nice and kind hearted as you are people will
try to manipulate your nature if they have not
already. Don't ever let anyone mold you to
their standards although I doubt anyone could.

.::=What type of Mythical Sprite are you?=::. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

*sigh* Finally it's Thursday, I hope everyone survived their weekdays LoL. Juz one more day till the weekends LOL I dunno abt u guys but i've always been lookin forward to weekends n forever will..Why? Iono, mayb coz i get to go out, not do work n i think it's mainly because i get to hang around with those i care for... sentimental foolishness ne? But hey~ sensitivity is like my middle name heh~ Hmm i think the fact tat weekdays r always a torture contributes to me looking forward to weekends too LOL imagine frm Monday till Friday..frm 5.45am (the time i wake up) till 6.00pm (time i reach home) work work work... if not.. boredom n suppression.. bleh lol NS ish sucky....

Speaking of sucky... My luck's been rather bad lately.. wateva i do seem to withold an omnious after effect.. strange, scary yet predictable.. let's take an example: I thot i would juz wonder ard during the event on Saturday.. den got Singing competition... but today they juz cancelled it.. o well, Moreover iono wat's wif the doctors these days.. the give me 1 day mc n expect to recover in 1 day... Baka sensei tachi... N today my Master Sergeant who is a indian woman tat sounds like a male tranvestite was like looking for trouble frm me... she was like: "Oi Hello! Gd Mornin.." n of coz wif a freaking migraine a replied as best i can w/o a black face: "Gd morning"... but as she walked awy she was like: "Wah These days so gd... the superiors hv to greet the recruits.."... OMG she is SOOO lucky i was sick n in a sense i'm lucky too.. if not i would hv answered her straight in the face n most prob get jail in the detention barracks.. >.> damn hierachy, i can't wait to get out... thank God it's only 2 yrs now..

Okie onto another miserable topic... i feel tat it's not my friends tat distance themselves frm me... it is me who made them distanced frm me... coz i'm simply too clingy.. when i like a bunch i'll hook onto them like i'm stuck to them wif super glue... n would always try n get them to go out wif me... i think the perfect phrase would be: Selfishly Over-concerned. I remembered when I was wif Kei's gang.. i used to try n forced Kai out.. tho he said he would rather stay @ home n play games... n den now wif I'm doin the same to Dan... i kno he needs to slp.. but still i persistantly calls him to wake him up juz for him to go out wif us... crappy i'm in those gloomy moods where i can see clearly my selfish self.. *sigh* But.. i m happy i met them.. b it: Bilin, Kei, Kai, JJ, Dan, Tim or John...Virtual, Real or Cosplay Circle... Thus now.. my new year's resolution: Stop being sooooo clingy.. juz try n overcome my emotions n not follow my desperate desire to force them to do anything.. no matter how much i miss them... Seriously.. on a selfish level this action will most definitely sadden me.. but LOL Tomodachi no tameni.. XP.. i think i've pour enough depression... n the medication is like making me drowsy lol.. so Aoi signin off~ Oyasumi!

D:

Your Beauty lies in
Intelligence. Logical, wise and a book-worm. You
have a mature beauty and
look that shows how smart you are. You rely solely
on your logic to solve all
your or anyone else's problems, which is a bit of a
two-sided coin. The fact
makes you seem rather emotionless and cold to some
people. Not everything can be
solved with logic. Despite it, many come to you for
advice and love how
smart you are, wondering if there is anything you
don't know. You probably don't
wear much make-up as it distracts you from your
studies, but you may wear a pair
of glasses just because you like how you look in
them, whether you need them or
not. For the most part, your looks mean little to
you, which makes all the more
attractive, especially when you're concentrated on
something. Good for you. Now
go get your next A+.

Some Things That
Represent
You:

Element: Water,
Light Animal: Owl Color: Black,
White, Blues Song:
Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata Expression:
Concentrated Stare

Gemstone: Topaz
Mythological
Creature: Centaur Planet: Uranus
Hair Color: Dusty Blonde Eye Color:
Gray-Blue

Quote:
"Knowledge is
power."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

MooD: Dazed & Depressed
Listening to: My Hime - Shining Days

Aoi

OKAIRIN~!!!

2005-01-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

UWAHH!! OSASHIBURI!!!! It's been sucha long time tat my internet has been down.. i wonder how's everyone doin... phew finally i can dl animes n restart play RO LOL yup.. coz got 2 Bakas if u dun play RO wif them u dunno where the hell they'll b LOL!! Plus hiyu n a few others ish oso there.... i think LOL.. but den hafta go thru the miseries of leveling all over again.... buubuu XP

OMG juz checked out the anime sites.... WAH BAKA COW!! lotsa animes to catch up wif... n the RO client.. ish not small.... o my.. hope my com can take the pressure.. it better NOT go into fits under pressure like me..>.>;;. O Speaking of pressure.... WORK SUXORS! even tho it's juz NS but... it SUX the my superiors r sooo damn bloody suppressive... juz coz i'm a Recruit... u juz wait till i get my A lvl results n get promoted... oooooo these ppl how dare they step over my head... n all i can do is... NOTHING but comply!!! ARGH! * breathes*.... Thank god i'm on mc today AND i hv a blog to rant to... i think tat's all la for now.. juz a small update on happened to Aoi LOL ja na~

MooD: Kinda relaxed
Listening to: Fate Stay Night - Crossed Destiny

Aoi

Shinobi...

2004-12-18T17:48:00.000+08:00

What Ninja Class Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

The above was stolen from Taku n Hiyu's Blog BuwahhaHAhah~ n i'm a jounin~~ wheee~ if only got Orochimaru-sama~~

Okies~ yes again i'm back on the mainland LOL.. reason.. upon returning to tekong on monday... got a major attack n was hospitalised... my GOD! i SOOO dun ever wanna b hospitalised again!! from mon till wed.. with the exception of the last moments b4 i was discharge... it was pure BOREDOM... i was staring @ the ceiling n following the oscillations of the DAMN FAN!!.. plus i was surrounded by old men.. CHO BORING!! Luckily on wed aho, jj, hiyu n cherry came to visit n brought me home.. they even stayed @ my place a while LOL. Thanks u guys~ LoL now i'm @ home coz imma on MC till Sunday LOL can't go out or i'll b dead once detected... >.>;; but i'm grateful coz JJ, Aho n Hiyu thru out this week kept dropping by.. they r sooo sweet~ A-Ri-Ga-Tou~~!! Tho i'm disappointed i can't go to the Science Center for a Cosplay Event today.. but hey! i hv better things to look 4ward to today~ LOL XP O yea, n my Superior gave me a call today.. looks like on the weekdays i can now return back to mainland @ 7pm.. YAY~! now i dun hafta even BOTHER abt my Bunk life n how to bathe in such a... uncomfortable place LOL.. praying i dun get anymore attacks la.. if i die in tekong i'll sorely regret it.. most prob i won't even wanna move on to the afterlife LOL! so yea~

BTW, Timmy~ thx for noticing.. i'll explain to yea when i get the chance LOL. John: Congrats on ur splendid results~ definitely np 4 u to get to the university u want LOL. Simin: Woa long time no see sis, chat wif me sumtime when u r free~ need to catch up on lotsa stuff~ LoL ok think tat's all~ take care ppl~

O yea, 1 other thing; an interesting quote to ponder abt: "Light is juz Darkness in the Colour of White".. derived from watching DNAngel..lol so if u think Krad LOL yup he is the one that inspired me LOL ja na~

Listening to: KOTOKO - Asura
MooD: Expecting~

...1 Step of Fate

2004-12-12T20:45:00.000+08:00

You are VINCENT. Remember to clean the cobwebs off
your coffin once in a while- first impressions
are lasting!

What Final Fantasy VII character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

U must b goin "WTF?!! Wasn't Aoi supposedly in NS?! o.O;;" LoL or at least those who cared n noticed la... so to satisfied those curious i decided to post.. n yea oso to relief myself abit of stress LOL... wat stress u say? hmm mayb nervousness.. saa.. Anyways, NS wasn't bad at all... bsides the bad admin.. the marching was fun, the trainin as per usual harsh n all u gotta do is simply follow orders LOL but there was this small little voice that kept pestering me... making me feel uncomfortable there n uneasy.. wat it said i'm not sure but all i could conclude was that.. i missed my friends n family on the mainland LOL.. yup it's gonna get touchy so.. erm bear wif it? LOL Hygiene was terrible @ BMT i couldn't even bathe in the morning.. n @ night the toilet would b soo crowded... sheesh LOL but then my Fits had to kick in.. n on 9/12 i was sent back to the mainland to Changi General Hospital... i wasn't warded luckily.. or more trouble would come n simply went under observation... However b4 returning... i did hafta bear wif the misery of a minor ak of Fits.. then i got a hell of a thrashing from the Medical Officer... he told me how iorresponsible i was for not reporting/updating my condition to Central HQ... i was like oblivious to anything n everything related to NS.. n i simply told him; "I didn't know"... of coz.. that only worsen his anger ><;; LOL so much for BMT... mine like lasted only 2 days... >.>;; Now imma return to Tekong tmr for admin work i think.. i'm like limited to only tat coz i juz got a change in Pes (from BP to C) but everything unsure n should b cleared up by tmr... i Hope..

However i am Thankful for the 3 days MC i got.. not only did it gave me rest... i got to catch up wif some of my missed frens... Hiyu, Aho, JJ n JL... well fri did hv a conference but it was rather.. dull.. saturday was lotsa fun from my POV..it's the 1st time my parents cmply to my wishes w/o much naggin.. i was given the green signal to let my frens come over.. n they didn't even scold me when Aho n JJ went back @ 5am in the morn... but seriously it was pure fun.. we crapped n shared lotsa stuff.. i'm very grateful they wanna open up to me...LOL yea.. i wanna feel wanted ><;; selfish me LOL n i hope i helped them one way or another.. but for Aho n JJ gomene.. i u stayed in my house till u guys were uber tired...n i was forbidden to let u guys stay over ><;; hope u guys hv lotsa rest later ^^ n if u need me lol u kno were to find me.. (sms if i'm not there tho ^^;;) *...Wonderin: wait.. do those 2 read blogs? LOL* doesn't matter la.. this is a way for me to present my views unrestricted by anything. *sigh* But 1 things for sure.. when i leave for tekong again.. that feeling of missing these treasured ppl will arise again LOL ><;;. Anyways, to all of u guys.. from virtual to real to cosplay... take care k? ja na~

MooD: Missing Friends..
Listening to: Morai Naki

Nigel aka MACKY

2004-12-04T22:36:00.000+08:00

Ok this is my first personal bitchin to a specific person so ppl who dun wanna know who sensitive or touchy or easily insulted i can get dun highlight n read.. it won't b pretty i assure u.

Call me selfish n sensitive but issit wrong for me to tell someone tat leavin someone in a conversation out of the blue is wrong? DO U LIKE IT IF SOMEONE JUZ LEAVES WHEN U R SAYING SUMTHING?!?! I BET U WON'T EVEN BOTHER! Even if it's urgent it's basic courtesy to @ least say AFK or BRB when u r talkin to someone rather than goin off without the other party knowing. N when i DID tell u NICELY nigel dear~ of this fact in a very filtered n chilled manner... However~ u joyously n openly put on ur nick as: "(i) Macky I'm sure by now ur used to my Sudden AFK'ness, so stop whining about it LoLz".. U STILL HV THE NERVE TO SAY I WAS WHINING WHEN I FINALLY HAD THE TIME TO WANNA CHAT WIF U?! seriously.. FUCK OFF! No wonder no girl last long wif u or any friends juz think u r merely a temporary one who cares for himself... The worse thing is tat u nv told me DIRECTLY.. instead u told u ENTIRE msger list YIPPEE! U nv BOTHERED to show anymore concern Nigel really juz coz i stopped playing RO... But heck it! I realise i've wasted my concern on U.. go n hv fun wif ur other NEW frens u've made, i kno now i was merely a steeping.. no an insignificant IDIOT for U.. believing in ur friendship was merely false hope. There was once a time where u would apologised for ur mistakes... there was a time when i thot i was bein a gd friend to u.. but heh.. Now i'm nothing la to u basically.. Heh some friend u r..

*sigh* i feel better...better than if i were to keep this within me... but at the same time i feel miserable i said those.. but i kno he won't bother reading it anyways.. it's like ranting to myself LOL Honestly i missed him... even if it was a virtual friendship... but i guess his real life's better now n this "friend" is invisible n an irritation tat only whines to him....i'm happy at least he's happy in his real life.. but deep down lol.. one more "friend" off the list... forgive my sensitivity but tat's wat i am... Nv do things that i nv do to u... but sadly life's the inverse of that.

Undefined Choice

2004-12-04T13:16:00.000+08:00

What Chobits Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

*sigh* Actually everything was settled yesterday but... wat my mom said kept ringing in my head... She told me to choose between Friends or Family... I know blood is thicker than water but still both is essential for my survival...so how the heck am i suppose to choose.. luckily i didn't hv to give an answer *phew* This query has been buggin me till i can't slp till 3am.. Fortunately i had a crapping/bitching session wif PH n hiyu thru conference on the phone LOL Talked abt lotsa stuff n PH seems to b doin fine @ the NUS hostel LOL... Her friends thot she was talkin to her bf LOL.. *kinda true nya.. hiyu is PH dear dear~ LOL*

O yea.. yesterday Ay oso presented to me some comfort... n yesterday nite lol said lotsa gdnites to lotsa ppl.. dunno y either.. mayb too much free time ler... but it feels gd when some ppl responded back LOL hmm hmm den den talked to Tim too.. not much but yea, he enlightened me how to type in hinagta.. LOL the prob ish... iono the jap char therefore can't type T^T LOL Now talkin to Yuii n Taku... long time nv talk to Yuii alrdy.. *sigh* alot of contacts i losing touch ler.. must gambatte n put glue LOL. n Taku has fallen in love wif the "ionowhichgirl" again LOL.. mou nothing much to type nya ><;; juz felt like lettin some thots flow.. hmm i guess i end it here nya LOL ja matta nya~

MooD: OK
Thinking of: wat 2 do wif 3 days left till NS...

Aoi

DIE n Disappear! DND

2004-12-03T13:38:00.000+08:00

You're Bass.EXE. Created by humans and wrongfully
accused of destroying a prototype network, you
were hunted down, scarred by those who made
you. Fueled by revenge, you strive to make
yourself more powerful, having become known as
the SuperNavi. With your impenetrable
LifeAura, you will one day destroy the vile
humans that wronged you.

Which MegaMan Battle Network 1 NetNavi are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm pissed... very very PISSED! It was soo disturbing yesterday night @ 12midnite tat i had a dumb fight wif my parents over money n den in the end i'm in no mood to go out.. i feel guilt misery but above all else simply pissed! For god's sake! I juz started goin out often this year n THAT oso they can't take! I dun cosplay alot or spend ALOT or demand for lotsa of stuffs! so Where the FUCK is my DAMN PROBLEM! Issit bcoz i speak up for my rights tat u can't handle it?! n then they'll give this damn preach abt religion.. I KNO alrdy tat's y i'm STILL a muslim n God is almighty n equal to all...ok den wateva punishment i'll let God decide... i even prepared for swimmin today n i kno i've been such a miserable let down to Kei n all... BLEH Luckily taku cooled me off abit yesterday...*thx taku* if not.. bein a free thinker n destroyin the world would b my 1st priority!! n now got my cat 2 comfort me.... ARGH! juz semi pissed atm... but ARGH!! y r parents sooo UGH! bleh signin off...

MooD: Semi pissed
Thinkin of: Seppuku

Aoi

Unmei no Mai Destiny's Dance

2004-12-02T21:48:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. a few nice things happened to day.. Went out wif hiyu in the morn n got a nice chat from tampines to orchard den back to simei LOL.. hmm den den met up wif PH, Nicky n Jo @ simei's MRT den head off to JJ's house. JJ's a cool guy. Very into n hyped LOL n very interactive too... den den played a few GGXX rds.. *which i totally sux @ LOL* while we waited for Daniel's arrival LOL.

You are Muraki.

Which Yami no Matsuei Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Let's see got to kno abit more of Nicky which i'm proud of *LOL yesh yesh i super nosey!* I didn't kno he was in lion dance, wushu n even has a master to teach him kickboxing? No wonder he got a V-shaped body n very tall O.O;; LOL n yup he's an uber LAME guy LOL n like Cherry said: "Can make logic out of anything..." n yes ANYTHING... even illogical stuff LOL thus the lameness but yes cho nice guy to b wif..always got smile on face one LOL.. O YEAH then i got hooked into this one visual novel they wanna cosplay LOL erm FATE: stay night it's called.. SUPER UBER CHIO LOR!! saw 2 PVs n i'm into it like made liau!! soooooo cool~ hmm mayb i'll get an original character den can play the Villain.. hmm Claw perhaps? or mayb Katar?.. let's juz c if i can make it LOL but WOOT~ can't wait to see their cosplaying costumes~ sooo CHIO~~ LOL

Den when Aho came.. at first couldn't talk to him much.. *loner me eeps* but den we all head out to Tampines Mall n had a few rounds of para.. Para was normal..tho i think i blundered ALOT but Hiyu said i look very confident when i dance LOL Arigatou Hime-sama~ O YEA juz remembered.. in the morn she told me tat made me CHO happy~ she said she prefered me over terrence on Kei's "Gang"'s outings but *hush~* hmm so long as 1 person said sumthing so.. heart-touching i WILL NOT put the rest in a difficult position by asking them the same question LOL. Coz i was being rather selfish but i juz gotta kno LOL *shrugs* anyways after para juz when we abt to part *wif me eating vanilla ice cream* LOL PH helped me to chat wif Aho.. iono if it was intentional or not but THX PH-chan~ Finally got a chat wif the famous Daniel LOL. He's a nice guy too LOL blur but very cool n handsome *dun mind this from a boy but it's a fact* den we 4: JJ, Daniel, hiyu n me head off on 8 home.. LOL chat abit abt RO..thinkin of replayin RO but dun think i hv the time.. plus AcRO or qRO.. even iono LOL. All in all today was fun got to sing, dance n even chat abit~ N tmr i gtg for a swim @ Jurong Sport's Complex wif Kei's Gang so gonna sleep early n prepare swimmin stuff ><;; so.. ja na~~ blgo again soon~ O YEA muz remember to bring white coat for Hiyu *nodsnods* LOL

MooD: Tired but Happy~~~
Listening to: Rockman EXE Axcess - Two Futures (TV size)

Aoi

Touch of Darkness

2004-12-01T20:46:00.000+08:00

*WARNING SEMI EVIL*

What Inuyasha Villain Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

O..K... this will start kinda normal as it'll b today's summary. Basically, today was normal... went out wif my family.. got a new line n hp for my upcoming NS times <.<;; got to eat ebi tempura =^0^= n now...gonna shower soon lol. Well actually nothing exceptional happened today but.... bleh i shall with a darker self...

What Yu-Gi-Oh Duelist Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Yea.. Crimson here * or rather wat i would call my dark self* <.< Dun interrupt.. *FINE!* Anyways as i was saying.. Both me n Aoi been realising tat more n more ppl r getting depressed.. sad yet joyous.. iono it may sound cruel but i think tat me being not as depressed as these people make me satisfied wif myself.. * n Aoi* Chotto Damette nasai.... *Hai..==;;* I mean Tim once agreed wif me that i absorb ppl's negative aura.. True enuff i find Aoi doin that n i will simply blow all those negativity out once enuff is collected for my awakening.. then yea of coz.. all the selfish things will spout out.. my forte.. wat can i say * shrugs* But these ppl ar.. i really sympathise wif them.. both me n Aoi feel helpless whenever they r depressed.. like we totally can do a thing.. whether it's the comforting Aoi or my violent self..it's sad.. they did so much for us.. n even manage to keep Aoi n me stable as a person... yet they couldn't do the same for their own selves *gomene* So seriously to these ppl Taku, Ay, Rika n others who feel depressed.. u've done alot for me.. so once n a while if u guys face any probs, i juz want ya ppl to kno that u hv both Aoi n my attention if u ever need a listening ear.. so pls.. share when u can coz i assure u.. it helps alot.. N dun wry abt us.. wateva Negativity Aoi absorbs this Crimson will definitely Release somewhere safe.. Coz i can't take it being this helpless.. these hidden mysteries.. it's like i'm useless.. well mayb i M n very nosey @ that too demo... *sigh*

What Golden Sun Adept Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

...With that said.. *I wasn't finish, Aoi* but u couldn't continue.. *....* dun wry, Crim. Anyways guys juz like he said.. we r both worried coz as a result fo depression w/o any of u guys around our life would hv ended.. so onegai this time let us help if we can... Ja ne.. Genki genki~

MooD: Split...
Listening to: Rockman EXE Stream - Be somewhere

The Smiles That Overcame My Bitterness..

2004-11-29T19:28:00.000+08:00

Your element is Shadow: Indifferent, unusual,
gentle and a complete mystery. No one tends to
know quite what to think of you because you
camouflage your emotions so incredibly well,
almost as well as your thoughts. You are
unpredictable in that no one knows exactly what
your going to do or what your capable of and
you've made sure they never will. You are quite
the wallflower but deep down inside is a kind
and very intelligent person. You are capable of
love but unless you let some light into your
shadowed life you'll have a hard time with your
relationships. People are a mystery only
because they all seem too superficial, you
would rather be somewhere else, away from all
the noise perhaps putting your feelings into a
form of art, maybe writing your feelings into a
poem or journal, or perhaps painting a picture.
The shadows make you feel comfortable and you
don't like to step outside your comfort zone or
let anyone else in, the spotlight terrifies
you. You are truly a mystery.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

LoL interesting result i got.. a shadow...yes no 1 can predict even 50% correct my emotions.. so dun predict wat i'm thinkin without knowing me at all..ASK is the keyword. Only those can predict near or more 50% n that's Hiyuki. Plus~ yup i love rambling on a blog LOL but yea this doesn't me no one can make me happy LOL. in the past weekend i had lotsa fun! Ok let's do them 1 day at a time~

Saturday; Hmm this was when I went out wif Hiyu, Alex, Cherry n JL to the EXPO. Oso i met Sk (spiderKim) for the 1st time.. cool guy LOL. The day went pretty good n normal.. not that thrilling but not bad either. Had Pure Vanilla Ice Blended @ EXPO's Coffee Bean n enjoyed it wif some of them~ O yea~ Got to know Rika, cool girl, she's not only talented but oso a Link fan LOL, yea n she's modest too LOL. The day went pretty smooth wif only 1 mishap.. a sudden quarrel broke out in front of everyone (public) by SK n Kazuki.. dunno in detail n dun wanna kno. Such stuff we shall let the "officials" take care of it LOL. O yea 4got to mentioned Hiyu Cherry n Alex cosplayedn they all looked GRT even tho they mite deny LOL..erm but Alex's was abit *erhem* LOL Hmm den nothing much @ abt 6 hiyu left sadly n 9pm i left wif Cherry to home. That nite kinda "begged" my parents to let me out the next day coz i wanna meet Taku~ LOl so long nv meet him. Luckily i totally nv regret goin out on Sunday.

Sais! The smalles and lethalest pitchforks on
earth. Invented by farmers, the Sais are more a
defensive weapon to protect yourself against
swords. (This on the pics aren't Sais, but that
was the only pics which mached a bit, sorry
^-^v)

What's your Weapon? .._..contains Anime pictures.._..
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday; This was my second trip to EXPO. Hmm at first it was kinda dull, bsides the Gundams nothing much happened.. tho i got attached to Elrond's sword that Ziru made for him.. kyuuuu ><;; *feels like an extra* Taku was sweet enuff to buy for me BK's Chicken Cheesesticks as i requested under the totally useless roof of EXPO. It's a roof alrite.. but rain can pass thru it.. so.. yea u get the picture LOL. O yes the highlight of the event for my day LOL i volunteered to b the MC for the day LOL iono how many ppl will curse my "nervous errors" wif the erms n the ahs n the missing "matantei" for Loki ==;; LOL but it was fun~ i love it~ O yea i met Skye n she was like her old self... the time when i first met her @ Fort Canning. Yokatta, i wish she'll stay that way, she's much sweeter n fun to b wif rather than her alternate uncontrolled sarcastic self LOL. So i made up my mind to nv jump to conclusions n only judge after lotsa observations. I shall reserve all comments until i'm perfectly sure i can say sumthing LOL. Yea yea met PH n Cherry again too LOL...err slcking @ work OhOHohOHO~ Then a HUGE grp of us went to taka for dinner, we sat @ the stairs n ate random things LOL n CRAPPED ALOT! esp abt Gundam Seed Destiny LOL everyone was really really fun to b wif~ tho some had breakdowns but i hope they r all feeling better.. esp Skye, Kula n Ziru (on sat). OoOo visited Kino n Rika got her hands on Zelda manga LOL U should see her excitement! LOL hmm yea chatted wif lotsa ppl n the girl cosplaying Sora gotta go.. gomene dunno her name XP. Went for Para @ Plaza Singapura afterwards LOL got to dance only once coz my parents called n was kinda pissed since it was late n i was STILL in Dhoby Ghout LOL gomene Okasan Otosan LOL luckily i nv kena lecture~ o yea yea Elrond was grt @ Para~ hmm for my personal opinion *no offense to anyone* he was better den sen yet Sen won LOL... this proves that Para ish not a gd judge for Freestyle dancing LOL...*sigh* couldn't see Taku or Ziru or the rest of them dance.. so wasted! @ home added Elrond n Rika n chatted a bit wif them n taku n cherry b4 i went to bed.

So yea My weekend went great~ but now i'm exhausted.. i juz woke up from a nap n i'm still sleepy LOL i dun think i'll sign into MSN today...n most prob gonna slp early LOL *yawn* But seriously.. I'm very happy i'm socialising again.. i'm actually smiling wif happiness.. n ppl still talked to me.. LOL it really lifted me to the skies n yea i kno i was a bit of a kpo nosing into Ziru n Elrond's relationship but they r soo sweet LOL n Ziru seems soo much happier then the last time i "met" her online LOL GAMBATTE FUTARI DOMO~~ I'm seriously soo happy tho it may sound pathetically selfish rite now LOL the only sad thing ish that... in 10days time.. i will hafta leave them a while LOL more ppl to add to my miss list LOL fate is cruel @ times for letting me hv friends only when i'm gonna leave them... but yet i thank my destined life coz it at least showed me friendship rather than eternal loneliness b4 i go for NS.. LOL NyaaAaaa~ =3 Aoi signin off~

MooD: Tired but Positive~
Listening to: Fatal Frame - Chou *Rika made me LOVE this song when she sang it LOL*

Aoi

...N the Rain Douses the Fire

2004-11-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

The Angel of Death! Calm ruler over the death.

What kind of Angel are you? .._..contains Anime pictures.._..
brought to you by Quizilla

Actually... today started off as a damn bad day, went out wif the guys... n well i really felt alone.. it's the same feeling when i 1st entered SRJC, where no matter how cheerful i was.. no 1 would bother talkin to me.. same today only that it was partly my fault coz i was silencing myself, laggin bhind or walkin too far infront lol... Really i regret ever doin such a selfish thing today n i'm happy i actually told them WHY i was feeling miserable Today was a grt relief n it happened at around 4pm... i told them my fears. i nv want to alone again even if they dun need me.. i still DO need them LOL...the only thing i regreted was those damn selfish comments i made, juz coz i was feeling left out.. but all is fine now. Kei told me this: "Care is always Hidden, It does not need to b shown"... lol mayb it's true? I've been showing too much care that it mite seem fake?.. iono but i'll keep that care 4ever... Yes i'm blind to ever doubt that they never care for me simply cause i never see it, N juz now Bilin told me sumthing unbelievable...seriously i never thot Vinc would even think abt me.. lol i judge too early i guess.

So to u guys: Kai, Kei, Vinc n Bilin. Thx for hangin out wif me today regardless of my depression. forgive me for all my selfishness... i'm simply too... obsessed n scared of being alone again. But on ur behalf show a lil bit of care pls.. i dun ever want to feel unwanted by u guys. I missed u ppl n i'll miss u even more once i've entered NS. Thus stay cool n take care ^^

N that was my personal msg to them... after a lil "confrontation" the rest of the day was fine.. Bilin (aka hiyuki) lend me some money to buy dinner n we all played yugiou quite relaxed i guess LOL n i actually won 1 round in a 3-way duel against Vinc n Kei.. luckily my combo cards came out LOL But i tell u their decks hv upgraded tremendously.. my deck is nuetrally sucky LOL den laughed at a few naruto eps b4 hiyu had to go n continued Yugiou den it was time for home. I was soo happy.. i cried this time (unlike the time were i parted wif them during lunch @ taka) it was tears of joy... i can almost imagine Kai saying: "Y r ya soo weak?" but i can't help it LOL i'm the sensitive yaoi horror next door... n now it's rainin. This time the rain isn't an omnious omen.. it's a sign of joy..a sign of "rezeki" as we muslims mite call it. As i type this now i feel happy yet sad at the same time... coz when the time comes.. i won't only b parting wif my family, I'll miss Tim, Rue, Ray, Royce, Rose, John, Ay, Yuii n Dippy from my virtual world/ Taku, Cherry, Alex, PH from my cosplay world/ and finally Kei, Kai, Bilin, Jes n Vinc from my real world... LOL i kno it's kinda early but juz expressing my thots LOL.. pls take care while i'm gone k? lol ja matta ne~

MooD: Missing you...
Thinkin of: Will i b 4gotten?...

Aoi

As FINALLY OVER!!!!

2004-11-24T18:19:00.000+08:00

OMG the JOY!!! the relief!!! U cannot imagine MY HAPPINESS ATM!! LOL soooooo FREEE... well at least until NS starts but... YAHOOOOO!! OMG! feel soo grt! The unfortunate thing is that LOL when i was @ sch.. there was no one to share my joy wif.. bleh such a pathetic loner! XP

Who are you in the Hagaren world?
brought to you by Quizilla

O well i guess i juz wanna said that *still worried abt PH's non-gambatteness*... hmm wonder wat happened... n also Taku.. didn't reply to my post on his blog.. EBIL!! but i'm juz happy he's a bit better now... btw Taku: No la... it's call concern not kpo... only insensitive ppl would view it as kpo since they nv experience how miserable PURE loneliness can b. As one guy put to me soo frankly: "U dun need me, n I dun need U"...yea so dun wry Taku some ppl r simply BLIND

*sigh* sa.. i dun care anymore, anything is fine.. loneloness ish also fine. I'll juz take wat God give.. i dun demand or lotsa stuff from Him anyways, i'm alrdy thankful i hv my life n a gd family *alhamdulilah*. If I can't find friends or if my "friends" can't accept me or even bear me, den so b it.. as i like to say: "Suki ni Shiro!" -meaning: Do as u wish!- LOL o God this entry evolving from a positive to a negative one LOL but dunno la this emotions inside.. i can't hold it... bleh imma end this b4 it gets me thinking of worse things.. KK now to get rdy for a 1-way trip to a 2 year long course of physical sculpting! LOL Ja ne~

MooD: Nuetral/Slightly Depressed
Thinking of: PH's mystery/National Service

Aoi

Equilibrium Trade

2004-11-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

I’m the homeless moody bishie who shares an apartment with the jerk (who saved my life) above the drugstore where I work. When I’m not being groped by my boss’s boyfriend, I take on supernatural side jobs by aid of my acute psychometric abilities for extra cash.

Find out with GD bishie you are | by Aelice

WOW~ today was a DAMN fun DAY!! I went out to Chinese Gardens n cosplayed as Casual Dearkka from Gundam Seed.. but that wasn't the main highlight LOL I met n got into a nice cosplay circle: "InvoGay" *modified from Gundam Seed Op - Invoke* Today was definitely a change from the normal Insensitive, Blur yet Sweet bunch of Guys *Hiyu's Gang* i always hang out wif. The ppl of InvoGay r soo hyper, into n genki!! Was kinda awkward when we met @ first but wow met 4 new frens today~ sooo happy~ They were: Alex, Cherry, PH n Jo.. lol my special thanks to u guys:

Alex: U've been the spirit of the grp, thx alot for motivating us to b genki n b into LOL n ur smile is always soo brightening~ keep being genki k?

Cherry: My thx to u for inviting me into the grp, really, it's a total stress relief n totally made my day~ n btw thx for listening to my rambling when we were walking LOL

PH: LoL the Strike Rouge wif IWSP wanting Cagalli, u like Alex too were a grt motivator LOL n yes i do hope u get together wif "our Kira" soon LOL

Jo: Girl! on parapara u rock man! Grt moves! n for yea.. well mayb Nicky ish a gd pair for ya LOL

LOL not only did we cosplay n "picnicked" @ Chinese Gardens but we went to Jurong Point n had dinner @ Banquet....FINALLY i had my EBI TEMPURA!!! YUMM~!!! n den we all chill out on the Parapara... but the girls were HOT on them.. i mean their dance moves were WOOT~! lol... hmm i wonder if how i did tho.... However, after all that all gd things had to end LOL on the 1 hour journey home, chatted lotsa GSeed n other topics wif Cherry n Hiyu.. den wished Hiyu take care n walked Cherry home.. she's soo sweet for waiting the bus no 12 wif me LOL thx again Cherry~

Back home, my dad said he FOUND Harry Potter 3 VCD LOL how happy i was LOL... really sia.. it's day like these i'm happy i survived those day wif depression... Equilibrium trade! LOL unfortunately, i got kinda worried when i found out Taku was depressed.. not sure wat's the cause.. but Taku i really hope u get well soon nya~ take today's entry as example... KITTO ZUTTO these days of depression will account for a bright, happy n genki day in the future!!

Moreover, found out Hiyu n Kei's relationship goin for a bright turn LOL, Kei's getting sweeter these days~ can see~ I hope for them the very best! GAMBATTE!! Tat's all the update today folks~ Wah~ it's days like these tat comforts me out of depression~ SUKI!!!

MooD: Satisfied
Listening to: Rockman EXE Op - Kaze wo Tsukinukete

Aoi

Labyrinth...Confusion

2004-11-16T19:28:00.000+08:00

ok here goes.. 1st..yesterday rite after i posted i asked 3 ppl this: *Wat do u think when i told u i'm ur shadow? as in wat's ur POV?* Y? well coz i once did swear my loyalty to them... u get the picture but i called myself a shadow coz I feel like their total opposite.. they can b soo sweet, nice, tolerant.. while i'm.. bitter, evil n short-tempered.. n thus like a lame Shinobi, i swore... GOD i can't even make this sound NOT lame.. sheesh.. anyways their replies were unexpected n rather.. refreshing..

Tim said: *a friend.. regardless of the circumstances*
My thanks to u, Tim.. serious i would nv thot I a mere shadow can b a friend
Hiyu said: *I dun think u are a shadow, no 1 is... they are all individuals. i'm flattered u think this way, but it is more important for you to reliease that there are things u do better than me*
At this i'm even more suprised.... she gave me a compliment.. sum1 i proclaimed as Hime gave me a compliment... can reach the skys i tell u... n yup thx Hiyu, i'll rant to u when necessary.. i kno u won't like it if i drag.. no normal human would anyways LOL
Finally Kei said: *nth.. coz i nv go think of that*
This was the most shocking one LOL... he really lives up to his "Forgive n Forget" theory..

I was really in the best of moods... well until Nigel said he dunno where i was anymore, n he said he's goin for a divorce... call me ultra sensitive but did u even made an effort?! n i DID juz recently msged u n we chatted awhile.. coz u had exams.. O yes n when i invited Kai to read my blog.. he said: *I dun read ppls' blog*....*DIES*..well mayb they r typical guys...but seriously hv abit of thot for ppl who care for u 2... PLEASE!!

N then today.. my GRTEST reason for suffering depression came RITE INTO my face.. my miserable school life in SRJC... o that crappy sch... My dad even once said: "Juz take awy the track.. n it looks like a secondary sch". Serious that FARKING BITCH OF A SCH drive me nuts.. n the ppl there is no better.. they r the ones the made me lose all effort to socialise.. they r the ones who made the loner i am.. n today a few actually wished me Hari Raya.. WELL FARK U! I won't forgive them.. they made me lose all my confidence.. all my trust in friends... n they made me increase my reliance on others e.g. Hiyu n Kei's gang.. only to burden them wif my miserable sensitiveness n mood swings.. N EVEN THEIR STAFF SUX BIG TIME! Rigidity, dictatorship n "discipline" is ALL they can think of..well FARK OFF, ur discipline SUX! try improving the students grades for once! *sigh* i swear to God that "JC" will not last!

but i'm grateful for 1 thing from that sch... it made me realise how important it is to b independant n rely on myself... den sumthing that's "part of the Islamic way"...Life is short, Death is Eternal. In life, u r only happy temporarily, it's better to rely on urself.. bsides u face God alone anyways depending on ur OWN answers.. HELL or HEAVEN is waiting.. N now i'm here in front of the com.. sticky n gonna bathe... ah FUCK tmr got Economics Essay Paper.. SHIT!... No, not bcoz i nv study but rather coz i gotta return to that FUCKING SCH! Plus! My DAMNED paper starts @ 2 till 4.15pm... o God give me Strength in Endurance n Patience. Astaghfirullahallazim... i better freshen myself up...

Aoi

P.S.> Cherry.. we can't put quizzies on our blogs???

RE-Awakening

2004-11-15T13:35:00.000+08:00

And that was a word from our sponsor Murrue Ramius a.k.a the voluntary creator of this new bloggie~ LOL Thx Cherry~

OK~!! Finally i've gotten a new blog..can't thank Cherry enuff...i think wif th absence of a place too rant out my emotions... it's been piling up within me n i've been getting depressed over n over again LOL even made a fictionary race for myself.."Fallen" all for all those who r depressed.. and all those who hv lost their Sanctuary in the realm of Angels.. Speaking of which.. *sigh* my lost RO guild.. Angels Sanctuary (AS) is gone.. now they evolved it to Archangel Sanctuary.. *depressed uber depressed*....bleh nvm i'll juz embrace my dark heart...bsides a Fallen Dark Angel ish cool~ so yea my RO life is officially TERMINATED.

Hmm i've got like Literature, Economics n GeographyA lvl papers coming this week... but i think i've studied enuff to make my brain go BOOM! I've tried my best.. so if i STILL can't get @ least a C or B.... or at least enter NUS... well i can retake as a private candidate or go to Poly.. either way that's after NS. *Fast aren't I? skippin from 1 topic to the other* Yupyup, NS will b like on Dec 8 n den i'm off to Pulau Tekong... *shrugs* i can't even go to the end of year cosplay n see Taku, Cherry n Hiyu cosplay... so damn wasted.. *takes DEEP breathe* O well, hope NS will slim me down @ least...

O yea u must b wondering Y i aren't out on the 2nd day of Hari Raya... well got motion sickness yesterday.. barfed out all that i ate yesterday nite... den my new sandals broke.. n i only collected like below $70.... *i feel damn poor*.... so i negotiated wif my parents n today i got the day off... *sigh* Life's been such a Farking Bitch! Even towards some of my real life frens i'm feeling distanced... i sumtimes even feel they dun care abt me but yea like hiyu once put it LOL I'm a BIG "S" for Sensitive ><;; *yup she knows me well* bleh nvm i'll juz b who I am.. if no 1 can accept me then at least i can still accept myself... juz can't help it, i can't easily forget things.. n worse i keep them within me... New Age Guy i guess.. Sensitive n more to feminity... ==;; so yea that's my life.

To end of... now u know y i need a blog LOL.. gotta rant things out, it helps m go on wif life abit. Thus to cherry i can't thank yea enuff, u r a real saviour. *guess this is y u gave me a dark template huh? LOL* K hope i'll update often..byes~

Aoi

Chapter 1

2004-11-15T11:31:00.000+08:00

Welcome to Aoi Tsuzuki's Sorrow....

This is where his story begins and ends.

Enjoy your stay here and please do not be sadden by what you see....

Memoirs Of A Fallen

An "Unrhyming" Poem

A *Quiz"-Flood

Me = Lazy

*Deleted*

Selfish Thoughts

Ugh!

Takoyaki & ice Lemon Tea~~~

Cosfest

Eve of Cosfest

...Tsuzuku Sora E...

*Deleted*

Loveless Battle Spells

Fruits Basket

More MCs ^^;;

The True You

"Rojak"-ness

Quizzies spreeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

"Bugis Animation Fest"?

Sum1 made my day

Parody? 2: "Welcoming Newbies"

Streetfest

Parody

GSeed/GSD + comments

Thoughts Adrift

Your #1 Match: ISTJ

Your #2 Match: ESTJ

Your #3 Match: INTJ

Your #4 Match: ISFJ

Your #5 Match: ISTP

Once in a Blue Moon

Recovery

Feeling Strange...

Lucky

Random Quiz

Weekend Madness?

....Even Dusk Will turn to Dawn Soon

General Update

Stolen Goodies

Uber Regret, Sworn Revolution

Unsettled

Arigatou

The Truth

Random

ZZzzZzzzzZZzz

Sonna Bakaga! demo,...masaka..

LJ Friends Meme by

Saa..

UBER PISSED!

Nemurenai... wakarenai... DAIKIRAI!!

Nothing Much

Mendokusai no Fits

Complicating Expectations

Empty..

I Sux

Pain & Pleasure

OKAIRIN~!!!

Shinobi...

...1 Step of Fate

Nigel aka MACKY

Undefined Choice

DIE n Disappear! *DND*

Unmei no Mai *Destiny's Dance*

Touch of Darkness

The Smiles That Overcame My Bitterness..

...N the Rain Douses the Fire

As FINALLY OVER!!!!

Equilibrium Trade

Labyrinth...Confusion

RE-Awakening

Chapter 1

Deleted

Deleted

DIE n Disappear! DND

Unmei no Mai Destiny's Dance